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Distant Daughter-in-law

I have a daughter-in-law that is very distant and I don’t understand why, she comes from a very wealthy family and we are middle class trying to make ends meet. I would love to have a better relationship with her and my grand-daughter, and If I we’re to ask her what is wrong she would say everything is fine……. But the whole family knows differently. We have always been supportive and helpful to them, I just don't understand. So for the past year we have stepped back and don't even call them all that much and still nothing.

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Asked by Not1leftbehind at 12:28 AM on Dec. 2, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Maybe there isn't really a problem, maybe she's just a little more reserved than you are?? Have you asked your son?

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:32 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I'm kinda distant to my in'laws because my husband is a jerk to me! Told me after 5 years that I'm not part of the family so I just don't care I guess! Also I have watched for those 5 years his parents treat eachother like crap and then hubby turns areound and does it to me. AND then she lectures us about how we fight a lot... uh really does she really not see it? LOL
    I doubt that is your case but thats my reasons!

    Answer by LadyofIvory at 12:39 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • dont worry about it its her problem not yours.

    Answer by stressedoutgran at 5:23 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Just keep trying to reach out without becoming intrusive, do what ever you can to let her know you care. I have three grown kids, two of which have partners, and the first thing I said when I was introduced was this, "you make my daughter/son happy and I will love you forever", we have become really good friends.

    Answer by older at 7:45 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I've recently had to pull away from my own MIL (with whom I've always had a wonderful relationship) because she started overstepping boundaries. Of course, all the blame was placed on me but I had to push back. Has anything like that taken place with you, even if you had the best of intentions? Perhaps it's just a difference in personalities and you're reading too much into it? Do you really think it has something to do with money?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Have you considered a direct conversation with her? Maybe she isn't truly warm with anyone? If it bothers you, be upfront. Ask the right questions, don't pussyfoot around and tell her how you truly feel. And I am bothered by the fact that you bring up your financial means. Does it bother you that she comes from money? What was your point there?


    Answer by love2snorkel70 at 1:21 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • This may just be how she is. I think that you should not step away though because I think that you will regret the lack of relationship with your grandchild and you don't want your DIL to have any more reason to back away from you. Good luck!

    Answer by ditchen4 at 5:25 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I'm not close with my MIL cause she doesn't like me and makes very mean and rude comments to me and my Dh says nothing to her.

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 8:59 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • This sounds like my in-laws. They also believe that I am distant because of money. I could care less about that. The problem is that my family is pretty proper whereas all of dh family are touchy-feely. I don't mind how they are, I think that they are all very warm people with the best of intentions. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to jump on the touchy-feely bandwagon and over share about my health issues/marriage troubles/whatever either. Because I don't, I'm considered "cold" and "distant." I'm a private person by nature, but that doesn't mean that I don't love and adore your son and grandchild any less. Have you considered that how you are "reaching out" may be making your daughter-in-law uncomfortable due to personality differences? If your son seems happy, leave it alone. Constantly pushing isn't going to make her warm up any faster. I'm a nervous wreck around my in-laws, knowing that they are picking me apart.

    Answer by CbooklovinMama at 7:14 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I would step up and forge a relationship with her. Go over and bring little things. Invite them over for dinner. Take the grand daughter out to meals. Really little things are what make our memories for life. Be kind and generous (with your self not money).. That will go a long way. Don't distance your self. Just do what you know is the right thing.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 2:16 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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