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5 Bumps

If you lived together before getting married, how, if at all, did marriage change your relationship?

I guess you could see this as a spin off of all the "what is marriage" and "does marriage mater" questions in a fashion.

My DH and I lived happily together for 2 years before we got married. Our day to day lives, feelings for one another and just about everything else staid 100% the same when we married. The ONLY thing that changed was my last name, our tax status and the fact that if something would happen medically the other would have the final word... That was it... Nothing really changed as far as our lives were concerned, which I guess is why I don't see the big deal about marriage...

What about you? How did your relationship change when you married after living together?

Answer Question
 
SabrinaMBowen

Asked by SabrinaMBowen at 1:42 AM on Dec. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 40 (122,988 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Our relationship pretty much stayed the same. I can't help but think that maybe marriage would seem more exciting if we hadn't lived together first.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 1:44 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • For me it did. I had a live in relationship with a man for 6 years. He never comitted to anything, including me. But he had it all right there. So why bother. Didn't work out.

    With my husband, yes we did live together for a few months before we got married. For us it did change things. In a good way. He was proud to be called my husband. We get a pretty sweet tax return. I can't put my finger on it as to exactly what I'm getting at, but for me it was different after we got married in a lot of ways.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:47 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • We lived together for a year before we got married. Yes, I think it did change our relationship. We had a stronger commitment to each other. We knew that even though it could end in divorce, that it would be harder to leave, and neither of us took that lightly. We both felt that making that legal and public commitment was something that told everyone else how seriously we took our relationship. The fact that he was willing to make that commitment to me, made me love him even more.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 1:49 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • It's hard to say, because DH was laid off the day we returned from our honeymoon, which totally changed our lives. We lived where he worked, so we went from 2 incomes and no bills (which is why we decided to get pregnant then- I was 13 weeks pregnant when we got married) to 1 income and having to pay rent and utilities. It was an extremely stressful time for both of us, and we're still recovering from it. It's affected us big time, and I look forward to SOMEDAY getting back on track. I miss our life before this happened. It makes it really hard to gauge what our "norm" is.
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 1:50 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Ours changed a little bit but not drastically. Its like it just really hit him I was his wife not just girlfriend. I think it was just more dedication. More focus on us and our lives rather than having fun anymore.
    m0_mommy

    Answer by m0_mommy at 1:50 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • ohwrite, thanks, I was jumbled. You pretty much said it for me.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:54 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • My marriage didnt change as much we did live together for a year before we got married but nothing really changed one thing did change though my husband started bossing me around like do this or do that or go get me this like hes really demanding at times and he never was like that before we got married we used to fight alot before we got married but that settle down now that we are i guess cus we were so worried about losing each other but the making up part was the best lol ;)
    alexia_09

    Answer by alexia_09 at 1:54 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • considering the brief amount of time we actually dated/lived together before being married it's hard to say what changed. although i do know that being married definitely changes how i respond when there are problems. in the past with live-in boyfriends i wouldn't be afraid to speak my mind, but often issues just went unresolved (whether or not we played nice) until i got fed up and just ended things. marriage helps me work harder on my end to make sure i'm doing my part as well as be more open to both sides, be more forgiving. i know that my husband is affected similarly. i guess it probably changes things more for people like me and my husband who never wanted to be married in previous relationships lol.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:47 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Marriage didn't change our relationship in any ways that I could notice. I am sure that there were little things though that just went unnoticed. We only lied together 4 months before getting married though..
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:04 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I have been with my husband since I was 13 years old, we haven't gotten married yet. But on the 23rd of December we are going to get married. We had a baby when I was 16 and when I was 18 and 19. We have been threw so much already and have over come more then I can tell you. We have purchased a house 3 years ago,and took in my mother and brother about a year ago. i feel as if we are and have been married for years. But it will be nice to have his last name. I really think... (this is just my thought) it might be a greater idea if we were to be with the person for a while and live with him before getting married. Because I see young people getting married all the time then divorcing within 2 years. (from what i've seen) a marriage to me as a child was a fantasy,full of love and bubbles. haha! marriage is raw, hard, but at the same time wonderful, and your sharing your life with the one you honestly love, your best friend.
    blessed.mommy

    Answer by blessed.mommy at 7:04 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

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