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Is this normal?

for someone to be considered a friend when you only see them maybe once a year and only during times when they want to dump on you or want to ask a favor?

My DH says I'm being used, but I've often (as an army brat) had long distance friendships where I never saw the person very often. So to me it was normal to not see my friends all that often. My DH feels that you see your friends a lot and for fun things, as well.

I do have to admit we found out she didn't even tell us she'd divorced, moved out and had a new man in her life now. We still see her ex-DH and kids at her old house and just assumed she was still there. We happened to find out by accident on Facebook. She to date has still never actually told me anything. If not for FB I'd still assume she was still married and living in that house.

What do you think?


Asked by Zoeyis at 6:19 AM on Dec. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • sounds like she is a person who only is a friend when it is convienent for her.

    Answer by AKmom1974 at 7:21 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I would consider that an acquaintance rather than a friend.


    Answer by Syphon at 8:16 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • There is nothing wrong with long distance friendships. But there is something wrong with this one. One of my dearest friends moved across the country when she married 5 yrs ago. We have only seen each other once since, and with busy lives we don't talk as often as we would like. But we do catch up with the occassional call and lots of FB messages and emails. I still feel a connected part of her life and she mine. I'm sorry but I agree with your DH.

    Answer by MarianneTv at 6:51 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I have a few friends like this...and my DH has the same idea. In my case it is just understood we dont really talk about our lives and such unless we need someone to lean on at the moment. My friend of 13 years lives in the same town as me and sometimes we go 6 months without talking...but I know if I ever need she will be the first to help-and vice versa. It does sound odd to some though, it drives my DH insane.

    Answer by m0_mommy at 6:47 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • DH has a few "friends" like that. They never call him(unless they want something) they never come by never e-mail nothing. However one of these "friends" will go out of his way to critisize everything I do. It gets old...real fast, but they are all "in" with the entire family so we cannot just cut them loose. I hate it, and I hate how they make DH feel. When they get on lone and talk about everything they do together. I try to ignore it but it gets to ya after a while.

    Answer by RheaF at 7:32 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • "for someone to be considered a friend when you only see them maybe once a year and only during times when they want to dump on you or want to ask a favor?"

    No. That's not a friend. Only seeing a friend once a year is fine, if it's long distance or you both have busy lives. Only contacting a person once or twice a year to vent and ask favors is...yeah, that's using.

    A friendship is balanced. Both people have to be on the same page.

    Answer by jessiferzzz at 7:43 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • There is a huge difference in being a good friend to some one and someone being a friend to you. If you choose to be her friend even when it sounds like maybe she is not yours it is certainly your decision. Sounds simple but you can be a friend without having a friend. Whether you are being used or not is not always a consideration. If it makes you feel good helping someone you are obviously getting what you need from the relationship. Sounds like you are a caring person.

    Answer by KISS1224 at 8:00 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • a friend of convenience.... yes, my DH has said that exact same phrase.

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 7:37 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • yes, this particular lady lived up my street and until a few weeks ago, I assumed she was still living there but just super busy, so I never wanted to bother her since she was talking about all the stuff she had going on. Turns out I hadn't seen her in awhile because she wasn't living there anymore. Her ex-DH stayed behind, has the kids and she's off living somewhere else in the same town with some other guy.

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 7:46 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I had one of those. She is not a real friend, just someone from your past that you lost touch with and you have moved on. Say no she is a user.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 AM on Dec. 2, 2010