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I'm afraid to leave him alone with our kids!

Ok, so usually my husband works and goes to school part time. Well, he was recently fired (for extremely stupid reasons) and is still looking. We found out yesterday that he will be on winter break from Dec 6 to Jan 10 (his schedule would have flip flopped then anyway, so he's looking for a temp job now). So anyway, with him freed up and not having to look for a job that will be flexible with his schedule, we had the idea that I could go get a job for this month instead. Not a big deal, and I'm kind of looking forward to it (been years since I had a job other than mommy, haha). So heres my fear...he doesn't know how to take care of our kids. I have constantly told him things about taking care of them and he forgets all the time. It took him MONTHS to finally remember that our daughter eats more food than what he was giving her (so basically she was going hungry all day!). This morning was supposed to be MY morning with breakfast in bed but I had to get up and take care of the kids because when they started screaming at him (dirty diapers all night, want breakfast) he just told them to be quiet. I have told him so many times that in the morning, its them first and THEN he does what he needs to. I never get to sleep in, even when he tries to let me because he can't keep them quiet, they are always screaming at him for something (because he doesn't feed them). I just don't know what to do to get him to listen and understand so that he can take care of them while I go to work. What should I do???

 
an-apple-a-day

Asked by an-apple-a-day at 9:47 AM on Dec. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 19 (6,995 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Hi mommy,
    My honest opinion is I wish some one could convince be a long time ago I was'nt the only person who could do for our children. You can go to work and he can care for your babies. He is not going to do things the way you may and never will. If they are safe from harm and he is not abusive then let go. He may need to figure things out for himself. I would be conscious of putting him down as well as things to do lists. If he asks then offer...try not to overmanage his parenting skills. I did. Be supportive and not judgeing it makes him feel defensive. Hang in hun everyone, all of us eventually grow up...children, husbands, and parenting skills. Tell him the things he is doing well, thank him for being a dad. I know all I ever wanted was to hear" your such a great mom" and "wow what you do is so hard and important". He may need that same support. You know how that feels...I hope things get better. Good luck!
    Michelle
    rosetoes

    Answer by rosetoes at 2:10 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Leave him a schedule with ideas of what to do with them. Like, they eat at this time then they can play with playdoh, then they can watch tv for awhile, they nap at this time, etc
    cakright

    Answer by cakright at 9:50 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • this is exactly why you should definitely take the job! I think experience is the best teacher, and the fact that he will be left alone with them, he will have no choice but to start taking care of them properly and responding to their needs. Don't worry about something happenign to them, usually the worst never happens. They'll be fine and he will learn a whole new skill set - and have a whole new level of respect for you, as you've been doing it so long every-single-day.
    Mamma2E

    Answer by Mamma2E at 9:52 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I'm sorry mom, but until your man grows up, I would not leave him alone with the kids. My hubby didn't have our son alone until he was only pooping once a day, and I had to change that diaper before he would take him. Otherwise, the kid would sit in a crappy diaper until he came back to me. Even now, I have to leave everything out for clothes, food, etc, if I'm going to work, but our son is 3 now, and communicates what he wants pretty well, so my husband will respond to that. That means, either find a sitter for while you're working, or don't work.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 9:52 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • You must tell him what to do.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • First your kids need to stop screaming at him. :) It is hard but he will not let them starve.

    I would write up a schedule, tell him this is what you follow daily and it is smart too keep the same routine...In order for them to be productive after the break you need to follow it... As for amounts of food, set up the snacks in baggies so he does give your children enough, and have a childs plate with serving sizes.. As long as he will not hurt them, you should not be afraid tell him, I want to make it easier for you, so you don't stress. Make it seem like you are helping him but your really doing both making your self feel better and helping him at the same time..... Good luck!!!!! Unless you know in your heart he will hurt them intentionally or he is not capibable then you should not... My kids father learned as he went, I was nervous too but he does a wonderful job...
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 9:54 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • They'll be fine. They might be dirty, hungry & acting crazy...but i can guarantee your kids will be safe with your DH. Dad's are very protective, nothing wrong will happen to them. Maybe this will be a wonderful way for him to learn how to do it right & maybe he'll appreciate you a bit more after he realizes how much of a pain in th rear it is to care for kids. I think you should leave him be & hope for the best. The kids will be fine, he's their dad. I'm sure you'll get 100 phone calls a day while you're at work though...

    I had this fear when my ex & i split. She was now going to his house a bunch & i was so freaked out that he'd take horrible care of her. For sure...she comes home dirty & tired from staying up too late, but at least he loves her to pieces & she is getting good daddy time over there. Some dads are just lazy when it comes to the small details of parenting, but it really wont kill your child.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:55 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • He sounds just plain selfish really. How hard it is to wake up and feed your children and get them out of diapers? I'm sorry, I would be so frusrtated if I was you...
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:50 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Well first of all, I am sorry to burst your bubble, but breakfast in bed? Can't you both agree on getting up at the same time and working with the children together? Even single parents have to get themselves up and get the kids ready in order to leave. Figure out a schedule and stick to it. Both of you get up, get the kids changed, cleaned and fed, and then if you're going to leave to work, write him out a schedule to follow. If he can't manage that much as a father of multiple children and he doesn't hold a job, well, IMO where is HIS value?
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 9:53 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • How old are your kids?
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 9:53 AM on Dec. 2, 2010

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