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Do you think Moms that had "easy babies/kids" should give advice on things sometimes??

I mean, we all know those moms who had nothing but a baby that cried when they were hungry or tired but never had a fit, only had to be told once at a store to behave and they learned from it and a child who had independent play skills and talked "normal" by age 3 without whining.. well when those moms like me come on to ask advice about sleep issues or night waking or store tantrums or throwing fits or discipline, do you really think we haven't tried time outs or consistent discipline?? I mean my son has been hard since being in the womb and he never missed a phase or a fit that he can have. I have read too many books to count from strong willed, Happiest baby and toddler / brain development, growth spurt -discipline books, I could go on, but I just have a "hard child" so when a mom posts " I don't know what to do, I have tried everything" do you think its ok just to support her and not bash the crap out of her?? and I get maybe the poster might not have tried some things but.. to say "well, clearly you aren't being consistent or you are spoiling them.. did any of you think that we could really just have HARD KIDS?? sorry, this is more a vent but it is really frustrating some times raising strong willed / spirited kids and sometimes its hard to get bashed on because it is NOT always the parenting.. I am so tired of hearing that.. ugh.. sorry - bad day maybe... :(

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Dec. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Have you tried behavior modification therapy? It is something that I learned about when I was doing research for behavioral disorders in my counseling class for kids and teens. Basically you see a counselor and they work with the child and the parents with different techniques. They can teach the child better ways to deal with his emotions and the parents ways to deal with discipline specifically for that child. I would also suggest having him check for behavioral disorders by a good psychologist or psychiatrist. I am not a big proponent of medications, but my own sons has ADD and it affects him because he has a hard time focusing and remembering. A super smart kid, but with a low dose of a newer med that is on the market he is doing much better. These are just things to consider because I know how hard it can be.
    psych_mom

    Answer by psych_mom at 4:45 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I don't have a problem with moms of easy kids giving advise, but I don't think they should be judgemental and assume that bad parenting is the reason some kids are more difficult than others.
    Linds2Horse

    Answer by Linds2Horse at 2:51 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I went through the same thing when posting questions about my teens, and I have pretty good kids. I dont ask questions about teen discipline in here anymore b/c of it. The bashing was unbelievable. I cant tell you how many times I was told, "Im the mother"! Lol, really, I missed that part somewhere :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • For what it's worth, it's not always the parenting. Some kids really are difficult, my friend has twins that are evil. She's a great mom, but sometimes they just make her cry. Hugs to you.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 2:47 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I had a "dream child" from the start, sleeping through the night, not crying, but squeaking, and is now a well-behaved 7-year old. I tend to keep my mouth shut about parenting advice, as there are no two kids alike, and I know I was blessed with an easy child, through no "magic" of my own. I do think it has more to do with the Mother's "lot in life" though, as I was a 26-year old woman that had a College Degree, worked a job for years, and was very satisfied with my life when I became a mom. I do not believe I would have had the same experience if I was 20, in school, in a bad marriage, etc.
    MSMama21

    Answer by MSMama21 at 2:57 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I had a near-perfect first child. This lulled me into thinking number 2 would be as easy. WRONG. The same tactics that worked smoothly with my first, didn't work at all with her. But, having been "the bad one" in my mother's lot, I took a different tact with my own little hot head... against my family's advice. Sounds like your heart is in the right pace, and that's always a good place to start.

    I haven't been on CafeMom long enough to have seen the bashing you speak of (or maybe I just haven't read those particular questions/answers). It's unfortunate that some people rush to blame, particularly when someone has come here for help.

    If it's any consolation, sometimes the ones that begin as the problem, grow into the ones with the best connection. Hang in there. :-)
    ss_mom

    Answer by ss_mom at 2:57 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • No mother had easy kids.. No kid is perfect..
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 2:44 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I have a really difficult 7 year old and a really easy 16 month old. I understand what your saying completely and I get bashed all the time, (from family) about how I parent my older son. Every child is different and so every situation has to be handled different. I really wish they would leave me alone because they do not understand.

    bjojola

    Answer by bjojola at 2:45 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • hugsMy son is one and he was never ever ever ever easy at all. I dont remember a time when he was a baby when he wasn't crying and now he throws many tantrums but I'm one of those mommies that have said consistent discipline works because I use it on my son. If a mommy wants support ask for support but if she wants advice and asks a question then people are going to answer you. I dont think bashing someone on parenting is right because as I said to other moms everybody disciplines and trains children differently and what works for you might not work for another mommy. If I had answered a question that you posted and gave you advice you didnt' agree with then I'm sorry I just try to give input when wanted. I understand it's hard I'm a single mother who has has to do it all myself and even I self doubt sometimes.

    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 2:50 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Nature only plays so much of a role. I have a difficult 2 y/o and an easy baby, but that just means I work harder with the older one to get the behavior I want. She's a great kid. Every situation is different and I work darn hard so that my kid is well behaved. I've never met a child who wasn't the product of parenting. There's such a thing as too nice as well as too hard. I know what its like to have a difficult child, but being difficult doesn't make them good or bad. I don't think people have bad intentions when they talk about consistancy. It really is critical. If you want some general advice, try have preset phrases so your kids know what you're saying when you talk to them. Some can be situational like "we don't go outside without our hats" and others can be more general, like "make good choices." They also learn from past times you've said your phrases what is expected. And remember "its just a phase!"
    mrs_pulley

    Answer by mrs_pulley at 3:08 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

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