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How do I help my daughter deal with being bribed by same age friend for friendship?

My daughter told me that her long time friend, I'll call Anna in place of her real name, told her that unless she takes Anna to the swimming pool, she's not her friend anymore. My daughter felt hurt by that and told me that I had to take her and Anna to the swimming pool. I told her that's not a good reason for me to take them swimming just so they can continue their friendship by taking them swimming. I told Anna's parents about the comment and they thought I was making a big deal out of it. Was I wrong to have mentioned the comment to Anna's parents? I thought they would like to know what their child is saying to hurt another child's feeling! I know I would like to know that myself if my daughter hurt someone's else feeling and adding a bribery along with it! My question is how do I help my daughter deal with this type of situation should it arise again, not just with Anna, but with other kids as well?

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Asked by hlkhlva at 10:59 PM on Nov. 5, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (5)
  • As much as you want to solve this issue for her. You cannot. You have to let her work it out. It's all part of growing up... this won't be the last time you go through this, especially with girls. It will happen all through. You just have to give her the courage and support to stand up for herself. You also need to have a shoulder for her to cry on, but do not more than that. Trust me, they will work it out.

    Answer by pupmom at 11:16 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Unfortunately it is a very common thing in this age bracket. I will only be your friend if.....

    My own DD is 6 and are her BFF (best friend forever) were in kindergarten together. I would have days when my DD would come home crying because her BFF was saying that she was NOT her friend. I was also told by my DD BFF mom that her daughter was coming home and saying the same thing regarding my daughter. (That my daughter told her that they were NOT friends anymore)

    Along story short, there was a 3rd girl in the class that they both liked and both like to play with, but this 3rd girl would not let my DD and her BFF play together with her. She would tell them if you want to play with me then you can't be her friend.....

    I don't think you did wrong, but just be aware it will happen more and more. It's called PEER PRESSURE!!

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 11:22 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • Your daughter is not being BRIBED by "Anna". If" Anna" were bribing your daughter, she would have said something like, "If you get your mom to take me to the pool with you, I'll give you five Oreo cookies." Little Anna is using emotional blackmail to threaten your daughter with the loss of friendship as a punishment for not allowing Anna to have her way. I think you did the right thing by informing her parents, but if they choose to ignore it, the problem may get worse when Anna hits puberty(?). It's anybody's guess, but little girls do tend to be quite manipulative to eachother at this age.

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 11:51 PM on Nov. 5, 2008

  • just teach her not to give in and if Anna doesnt like she is not a good friend.

    Answer by Tricia19 at 1:32 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Previous poste took the words right out of my mouth. My kids have both been through that. All you can do is teach them what a true friend is. My 8yo dd will tell her peers that if they treat her that way, then they are not really her friend anyway!! She will NEVER give in to the threats! Hopefully she stays that strong through her teen years!

    Answer by KidsHelper at 12:58 PM on Nov. 7, 2008

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