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For christian women

I need some godly/christian advice. I am in a relationship/living together/1 child 6 months old. we are not married , and i know by God law it is a sin, we had a wedding planned but i called it off. he is not really a christian , i mean he says he believes but he cusses all the time, has a bad attitude, smokes pot, drinks , is controlling, has a very bad anger problem ect... i was wondering in ur opinion should i marry him and stay or should i leave and wait for God to give me a christian man?  Oh and please not self righteous , judgemental people, I dont need bashing only advice please and thank you.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Dec. 2, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (18)
  • what would jesus want for you? i think he would want you to be happy and i don't think this man is doing it for you. also think of the type of home environment your child has been grown up in. it's your duty to this child to raise it with the lord in your house and to raise it properly. this is not the type of man the lord wants for you or anyone. doesn't sound like this man is very godly.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 8:54 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I think that ifit is mean't to be it will be. God can change any one person. If you love him you should keep hanging in there, pray an ask God to change is ways.
    inlovewith4

    Answer by inlovewith4 at 8:55 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Personally, i wouldn't live with a person that smokes pot. If you want the relationship to work out, move out and work on things that way. If he really wants to be part of your life, and he knows how important it is to you to be married to a christian man then he'll want to work on it too!
    MommaTurbo

    Answer by MommaTurbo at 9:01 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Run away! You can do better than that. Do it for your child if not for yourself.
    zboys

    Answer by zboys at 9:16 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Ok here is my suggestion....
    I encourage you to sit down with him and explain to him what you want in a husband. Remember this though.. perfect husbands are hard to find... You need to let him know his behavior is not something you want in a marriage and that he needs to make some choices.
    I suggest you move out for the time being.
    You want to approach this from the throne of Grace and give him grace... this means the chance to change himself but you cannot MAKE him do this. You can offer him this choice. It is up to him to choose.
    Meanwhile take care of your own personal stuff ... I am not speaking material but person heart issues ect.
    You both want this marriage to be a healthy start not a toxic one.
    Lastly I URGE you to listen to the voice of Holy Spirit in regards to this person and your life.
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 9:26 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I agree with Shaneagle. You need to communicate your needs to him, step back from the situation, and then spend lots of time in prayer seeking God's will for your life. That may be with or without this man as your husband, but only God can give you assurance of which is right for you.
    asmcbride

    Answer by asmcbride at 10:01 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • One thing you said stood out to me - you said he has a temper and is controlling. That raises a huge red flag for me. I would be concerned about your safety and the safety of your children. Nobody here can tell you what to do, but be very careful in making your decision. This does not sound like a healthy environment. You are better off single than with someone who is not good for you.

    I lived with my husband for 6 1/2 years before we got married, but we had no kids yet. If you had said that he is a gentle, loving man (not smoking pot and drinking excessively), it would make sense to just plan a wedding. Remember, though, it's easier to get out if you are not married. Please be careful and stay safe.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:05 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Also, think about when your kids are old enough to know what is going on. How are you going to feel about this man stinking up the house with the smell of pot so the kids can't help but notice? They will see his glassy eyes and notice something different about him. When we runs out of pot and can't get any more, you'll have a very angry guy until he can feed his habit. Your kids will grow up thinking this is normal. I've known people whose kids grew up with pot smoking parents, and none of the kids had a good outcome.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 10:08 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • What's done is done. Marrying him is not going to fix that. Your duty is to your child. Provide the best for your child, which would be the best husband and father figure as well. Don't settle for less. You deserve more. A good wife is worth more than her weight in gold. Remember that. Don't marry him all because you had a child with him. What's done is done. There is no undoing that. Marry because you both have a good foundation, mutual respect and love and a willingness to build a life together.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 10:44 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I would want to marry a man I respected and who would be a partner to me in life, someone I could lean on for support during hard times. This doesn't sound like the man you described. To me being controlling, smoking pot, and having " a very bad anger problem" are deal breakers, I want someone who loves me and our children, and is more concerned about being a good father then hanging out with his friends and smoking pot.   Sounds like he has some growing up to do.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:10 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

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