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Arguing with my teens over going to their dads for the holidays

I have a tight court order with my ex-husband of 7 years. The order was updated a year ago. He has a bad habit of planning things at the last minute and the court order enforces that any vacations need to be given written notice 30 days in advance. Now that our daughters are ages 13 and 16, he has decided to tell them that they are allowed to decide where they spend the holidays. They know I have planned something on Christmas, since this is my year to have them on Christmas day, and yet he has told them about a trip he is planning that goes through Christmas day, and has told them to decide who they'd rather be with. Now to my knowledge, they cannot legally decide this without it being written that way in the court order. However, more importantly, I have reminded my daughters that there is a reason we keep our word with schedules we make. In their eyes, what their dad is doing seems more fun than what mom is doing for Christmas, and that is the reason they are now arguing with me. What can I possibly do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Dec. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Let them go where they want to be. No fuss.

    Answer by khf22 at 8:56 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • khf22: If I was dealing with a resonable man I probably would, but unfortunately he has chosen to be incredibly unfair to them when they have asked on several occasions to stay here on one of his days because of a cousin that was visiting from out of town, and another time to attend their uncles funeral- he said no to both, just because.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:01 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • So you'll act the same? I actually think they should be with you- especially since you didn't get to spend it with them last year.

    Answer by khf22 at 9:02 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • khf22: I do see your point and I'm not happy I act that way. But that's why we went to court to enforce the schedule to be as organized and non-disruptive as possible: for them. I guess when it disrupts plans I went out of my way to make on behalf of them, it makes me feel they can now be under the impression that plans can "always" be changed if what someone else has planned seems more important, or better. That screams disrespect and I'm trying to avoid them having that spoiled outlook on life.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:08 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I guess it hurts me because I don't like them being mad at me. However, I've also seen teens get mad at mom's or dads who are still married over stuff they'd rather be doing than hanging out with mom or dad. So, I guess that's part of parenting whether your single or divorced and I have to remind myself that they'll get over it and that its a part of being a teen.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:12 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • It's your Christmas...................................period.

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 9:15 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Yeah, I see what your saying. I guess you'll have some attitude on Christmas then.
    Grin and bear it guys!! -__-

    Answer by khf22 at 9:17 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I just meant, if my kids didn't want to be with me- I wouldn't make them. Good luck

    Answer by khf22 at 9:17 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I would tell your dds what he is doing. He is trying to take over your holiday just to be a pain.

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:02 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Telling your daughters that Dad decided that they should make their own decisions for Christmas isn't the right thing to do. It sounds like he is just trying to make you look bad. If you have it on paper, remind him of it. I would think that they would be able to make their own decisions when they turn 18. Call your attorney and see what they have to say about it. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time of the year, I hope you will find some peace by Christmas.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:01 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

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