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Counseling? Or call it quits?

Long story short, my husband of four months got into an argument over some female he was having conversations with outside of work (so I thought) at the time. And it turns out it was nothing, but he physically handled me like some rag doll in front of our two little ones because I was in his face arguing about it. Yes, I was wrong for being in his face and I slapped him once--- but a woman's strength is not like a man's physically. This has happened three times before we got married, like almost 3 years ago. I thought things were going good up until this little spat turned almost deadly.

I am a Christian woman, or so I would like to say that I am. I have faith that the Lord is leading me and guiding me everyday. I just don't know what to do next? He's in jail because he was on parole and violated. He was on aprole because of me. He assaulted me in 2007 outside of a club. I am the dumb one right? Should I keep doing this to myself and him? Should I let it go? He calls me collect and tells me that he will seek counseling, get help because he knows I'm a good woman..... but I don't believe him for some odd reason.

 
Bumble_She

Asked by Bumble_She at 9:33 PM on Dec. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (109 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • you should go with your gut feeling!! im sorta in your shoes but my fiance does not get that way we may argue but he never puts his andson me we been together for like 7 months and have been engaged since aug 13th of this year! couple weeks ago we got into a real big fight (our first) i kicked him out whe we should of talked it out! anyhow i told him things need to change big time because i cant live like this! i myself am a christan woman too so im making him take classes through the church im sorry you are going through this just go with what your heart and gut tells you and do lots of praying
    kris8525

    Answer by kris8525 at 10:27 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Sorry, but you married a guy who assaulted you? I believe you are good, but maybe you don't love yourself very much. Counseling sounds like a good idea, but if he is abusing you, you need to GET OUT AND TAKE YOUR KIDS WITH YOU. This is your RESPONSIBILITY as a loving parent. Then seek counseling for yourself and your children.
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 9:38 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • I agree if he is abusing you then you should GET OUT. I understand this is hard to do because you love him and care about him, althougn if this is the second time he is in jail because of this then I would just leave. It might be hard to leave, although it will be harder on your kids if something major happens to you.

    Good Luck!
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 9:50 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship to be in for both of you, you may benefit from counseling but unless you are both willing to admit there is a major problem that needs to be fixed it won't work. Also I believe that you would benefit from a separation while going to counseling if that is what you choose to do. Either way you both need anger management-you slapped him too which is completely unacceptable-man or woman there is never any excuse for physical violence.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 9:55 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • there is NEVER any excuse for physical violence so if you love him and decide that you want to stay with him you both need marriage counseling and anger management-from what you describe you fight was like it sounds like a very unhealthy way to live. You are always going to have fights in a marriage you can worry that every time you there is going to be physical violence.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 10:03 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • He has done this before and is doing it again. I can tell you from experience these guys don't change. The sad fact is even counselors will admit that batterers don't normally change and more often than not they only get any kind of counselling at all because they are in trouble and are either ordered to get help or they volunteer to get a out of jail or to get a lighter sentence. Grab your kids and run now while he is in jail and you can go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:15 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Yes, but I thought he had changed. I know I did. We both have come a long way, but it took this argument to show me that he was still the same inside------
    Bumble_She

    Comment by Bumble_She (original poster) at 9:47 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • This is not an everyday thing though. It isn't like an Ike and Tina Turner situation. He's a softy, but when he gets mad, he gets really, really angry and things just get out of hand......
    Bumble_She

    Comment by Bumble_She (original poster) at 9:57 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Very true. And I admit that I need help, this is why I went today and signed up for services for help. He is in jail, he may not get out anytime soon. He's on parole and violated. Our son called for help because my husband broke my phone...... so I just don't know. He was my best friend and well, I seem happy when he's not here---- and I feel weird. I am sooooo dumb for taking him back, time and time again..... our ten year old son told me he doesn't want him home. And I know he's just a child and doesn't understand, but he does. I don't want him growing up thinking this is okay. And then I have a two-year old daughter as well, if she ever went through this, I would hurt the guy! I don't know what to do--- the heart is sooooo misleading.
    Bumble_She

    Comment by Bumble_She (original poster) at 10:13 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

  • Yes, this is THE only best choice for us. I am filing for a divorce----- even though my husband is begging me not to leave his side. I feel that this is the only option for us to be happy and alive------------
    Bumble_She

    Comment by Bumble_She (original poster) at 10:25 PM on Dec. 2, 2010

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