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My mother is sending out invitations for her 60th anniversary and my father has dementia.WHY??

He is fine during the day but after a nap or during the night he wakes up and thinks it is morning and takes a shower and shaves and thinks he is going to go out but it is the middle of night. She has changed so many medications on him and the dr. told her he can not give her anything to sedate him because he would be sleeping all day. Meanwhile my mom is a wreck and without sleep she can handle the chores. Now my brother is sending out invites, wtheck?? What do you think?


Asked by mamacita69930 at 3:56 AM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 21 (11,886 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I see what you're saying, because, as their child, it's hard for you to see your father like this, and it's hard for you to see your mom struggling to take care of him - after all, even though you're an adult, they're still your mom and dad, so it's hard. But, maybe it would help if you tried to look at it not as their child, but woman to woman. They've been married 60 yrs - through the good times, the bad times, in the healthy times, and now, during sickness. Not everyone makes it that long - whether because of divorce, death, etc.

    By doing this,it sounds like they aren't celebrating what's going on right now, and what in store for them - they're celebrating and remembering the years that they've had together, and it sounds like, in their way, in their hearts, it's saying, we love each other. We've faced over 1/2 century together, and we will face this together, too.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:26 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Just because your father has dementia doesn't change the fact that your parents have been married for 60 yrs. I think everyone will enjoy seeing your father and mother nad ya your father has a termaila illness but your parents have been married 60 yrs. Most people know a days don't make it 5 yrs. The way your father acts is his illness. He doesn't know any different. Why are you upset about this i guess that's what i don't understand????

    Answer by raemommy at 4:20 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Maybe to create one more memory for your mother.

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 4:35 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • cont

    Now, I'm assuming that the people who will be coming are people that know and love your parents, and who probably know what's going on with your dad, so I'm thinking they will (or should) be understanding of the situation.

    Maybe there's a way that you and your brother can help them have this party - not in honor of your mom and dad as "mom and dad" - but in honor of a marriage that has survived this long, and is so full of love that, even during this point in his life, she still wants to stand there in front of their friends and family and say this is the man I love. I'm sorry to say, but it sounds like she might not get many more chances to do that.

    (((hugs))) about your dad - I am sorry, I know this is hard for all of you!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 5:33 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • It is very hard to see and watch someone you love very much go down hill very quickly just see how things go and maybe this can be a good thing for him and your mother.

    Answer by raemommy at 4:27 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • why not? Her life isn't over just because her DH has a mental condition. Nor is his.

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:35 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Because he is getting so bad all at once. He is really going down hill. And Fast....It scares me and I do not want my mom to cancel but she said she will if he gets worse.

    Comment by mamacita69930 (original poster) at 4:24 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Thanks sailorwifenmom , that was beautifully said....

    Comment by mamacita69930 (original poster) at 5:35 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Sailorwifenmom said it best ...

    Answer by tasches at 2:49 PM on Dec. 3, 2010