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Best way to handle her, she is 5....

Last night my 5 year old asked if she could get some stickers. She had already had a few from our school time on her shirt and it was getting close to bathtime so I said no, you will be taking your clothes off soon. Five minutes later when I came to tell her it was bathtime she had the stickers, but was putting them on paper. She looked innocent enough, not like she was caught doing anything. When I asked her why she had the stickers after I told her no, she said she was putting them on the paper not on her clothes.

She always seems to find a way to do what she wanted to do with a twist, and gives an innocent enough explination when asked why she is doing it.

This is just one example of the little things she does that I am not sure if she is trying to get away with something or if she really just does not think she is doing anything wrong.

Is she just clever or is she manipulative? What do you do about either one?


Asked by Anonymous at 7:37 AM on Dec. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Sounds to me like she is trying to be good and do as you say. You did tell her you will be taking your clothes off soon. If this bothers you I would try to be more clear...children dont always infer the rest as adults would.

    Answer by m0_mommy at 7:44 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • She is clever and smart. I think you need to set the rules and maybe have a rewards system that she can see. My mom did the "bad penny" system. We were given pennies for doing good things and if we did something wrong we would get a "bad penny", which was a black penny. It was something that we could see and understand. At the end of the week we turned our pennies in and if you had 5 "bad pennies" then you didn't get a special treat.

    I would have also explained to her that while you understand she wanted to play with the stickers you had already told her "No" so tomorrow she will not be able to play with them. I don't think she is being manipulative, I think she is smart and knows she can get away with things because there have not really been any punishments for things. Of course I am just assuming that, i could be wrong. She is learning that while you say "No" she is still a person who make up her own mind. GL!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:43 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I think I would sit down and have a talk with her. Maybe she is innocent about all of this and needs more of an explanation than not putting them on her clothes. It's hard to say without knowing her. Maybe next time you could be more clear and firm. Hope this helps.

    Answer by rollinbuggy at 7:42 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • To me that was clever but she also knew the answer was "no". From the tone of your question it doesn't sound like she was defiantly getting away with something. You need to stay one step ahead of her and elaborate on your answers, perhaps. With the stickers you could have added "no more stickers today". GL

    Answer by elizabr at 7:50 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I wouldn't call her manipilative. Some kids are very literate at this age and they need more detailed answers like "no, you cannot have any stickers now to put on your clother or anywhere else".

    It would also helo to sit her down and explain to her that she needs your permission before she does ANYTHING at all. You need to be clear about this and make her understand that when you say "no, I will not give you stickers to put on your clothes" she needs to ask before she put them anywhere else.

    I am using an amazing system with my kids and I think it helps a lot. In the end of the day, depending on how good they have been, I reward them with fake money. The next day they can buy privileges with that money like TV time, video games etc.. For instance, in my house, 30 minutes of TV is 5 bucks. If they haven't earned it from the day before, they can't watch iCarly.

    Try it, it works! :)

    Good Luck!

    Answer by mysevenkids at 7:48 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • You have to be more exact in how you tell her "no". All kids will find the loophole and use it.
    So, if you really don't want her to have more stickers, you need to say "No more stickers - on your clothes or anywhere else because you're getting in the bath soon. And I mean it - do NOT take out any stickers now. You can do it after bath or tomorrow."

    You end up having semantic arguments with kids you never thought possible. I had to tell my nephew one day, after much discussion about how he was not allowed to watch TV, use the computer, etc. "You may not view any image on any electronic or battery operated device anywhere today." Even he agreed there was no loophole!

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 7:50 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • My daughter is six and still does the same thing. I've been dealing with it since she was about 41/2. I stumbled across this article two days ago and continue to bare in mind that she's only developing. However, when I know she's doing something on purpose she will be punished. Time out, toys taken away, loss of TV time, etc.

    Answer by prissysayshi at 7:50 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Well...she IS tenacious!

    How about losing some stickers after going against the answer she was given prior. No big fuss just short and sweet.

    Answer by Malapertinent at 8:40 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • aLL i KNOW IS MY 5 YR OLD DD IS THE SAME. uP A NOTCH. sHE HAS 3 OLDER SIBLINGS AND ONE YOUNGER BROTHER. sHE IS SMART AND CHARMING, BUT ALSO DEMANDINGLY BOSSY! sHE THINKS THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER TAKING WHAT SHE WANTS EVEN IF SHE IS TOLD 100 TIMES NOT TO GO INTO MY BEDROOM, OR HER SISTERS BEDROOM. sHE IS STARTING TO WINE NOW TOO, ABOUT EVERYTHING WHEN SHE IS TOLD NO. iT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY! i HAVN'T GONE THROUGH THIS AS MUCH WITH THE OTHER SISTERS. tHEY ARE 11 & 18. oOPS i JUST REALIZED i HAVE MY CAPS BUTTON ON, SORRY BOUT THAT.All I can say is maybe it's a phase and this to shall pass.I am working with my 5 yr old dd on a regular basis and always sticking to what I say. The only thing with that is I'm more tierd than usual, my husband works till they go to bed so it's all me. Good Luck with yours and I'll be looking into this more as well.

    Answer by Stefono at 9:41 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Kids are power hungry manipulative little beasts sometimes. You said NO, and that is it! I don't think this is something to go ballistic over, but she should have had a consequence.

    Answer by salexander at 10:44 AM on Dec. 3, 2010