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2 Bumps

My son has moved in with his girlfriend and he is still in highschool

My 18 year old started dating "the love of his life" at 15. Ever since he meet her, he has been leaving us slowly. I don't even know who he is anymore. She is very disrespectful to his family and he does not care. She controls everything he does. And she has been trying to get him to move in with her and he finally did. Two months ago he moved in with her family. Now they are talking about getting an apartment. He is out of control. We have did EVERYTHING for him, gave him everything. We supported him and loved him with all our heart. He came over last night and my husband and I told him that he needed to come home until he finishes school and he told us no because he was not going to leave her. He told us that he chooses her over us. And if it meant that he was going to lose his family for her that he was okay with that. I am heart broken. We were so close and now he is out of our life. He does not call or ever come over. Last night he just came by to see if we were going to accept his choose of leaving home and moving in with her while still in school. We can not accept this. We were going to pay for his college but he won't leave her to go to college. What can I do?

Answer Question
 
Rbrewster40

Asked by Rbrewster40 at 10:04 AM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Nothing - He's a legal adult.
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 10:11 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Except her, I know it is hard, but you are wrong... You must except her to support him, be there for him.

    We don't except certain people in our life, but you need to have a meeting with both of them. Be honest and let them know you will both stand by them, that is what us parents do. Explain I will except you but you must follow my house rule, she can not be disrespectful to you and you need to mind your business. Let her know how you feel. Go from their. Not saying let them sleep in your home, if that is unexceptable then so be it... Don't push him farther and farther away.... Let him know you are there no matter what, if they are not abusing you-hitting, stealing or doing anything like that. Be strong, I know it can hurt and you may not like it, but we can't choose who we fall in love with and sometimes as parents we must step back and let our children learn the hard way.. Try to encourage both of them to get an education
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:12 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • There's nothing you can do but accept it if you want him to be a part of your life. He's already made up his mind and no one can change it. I'm going through almost the same thing but my DD dropped out of high school. At least he's still going to school and has plans to attend college. I understand about her being disrespectful and she's wrong for it. My DD is 17 and has already moved in with her boyfriend and his family. We don't like it one bit , but there's nothing we can do about it. According to GA law she can do whatever she wants and we can't stop her. We don't like her boyfirend either but I try and be nice to him just so I can have some type of communication with my daughter which is only over the phone. DD put his foot down and let her know bf is not welcomed at our house. Life is the best teacher there is. If we really think about it how many people are still with the ones they dated or moved in with at their age?
    suelo74

    Answer by suelo74 at 10:19 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • So be patient and keep supporting him by at least talking to him and letting him know he can come over any time. Who knows he might be back home sooner than you think if she's that controling!
    suelo74

    Answer by suelo74 at 10:21 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • There really isn't anything you can do. He's 18, but I wouldn't let him take anything from your house, even his clothes. You bought them, not him. He wants a bed, tv, all that stuff he can buy his own. You just have to let him go. Tell him you love him and will always be there, but if this is his choice, then he needs to Man up about it and be responsible
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:22 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Sorry I meant my DH put his foot down!
    suelo74

    Answer by suelo74 at 10:23 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I would not accept her. You can love him and be there for him without accepting her. I chose a man over my family when I was around his age. When our relationship was over I needed them more than ever. Had they accepted him, it would have just made it easier for me to stay with him.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:24 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • he is still just a kid, whos got his prioritys all wrong and not meaning this in a bad way but is stupid, just be patient , he'll coming running back to his family when it ends or he needs something.
    bekkaboo89

    Answer by bekkaboo89 at 10:35 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • There's really nothing you can do since he's a legal adult. My husband moved in with me when he turned 18. He started his senior year of high school about 2 months later, and we got married a week after that. My suggestion to you would be to try to be as neutral about her as possible. Certainly you can make it clear how you feel about him going to college, but I would steer clear of talking too much about HER. Years down the road if things work out with the two of them, there may be resentment still floating around and it would damage your relationship even more. That was my experience with my parents. They were horrible to my husband, and even though we've made nice since then, things were just never the same after that.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 10:35 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • There's nothing you can do but accept it if you want him to be a part of your life

    ^^^ this...

    Your son is an adult. You raised him so that one day he can be on his own & make his own choices. He probably feels as if you are making him choose between her & you guys & when it comes down to it...an 18 year old is not going to choose momma over a woman he fell in love with. That might be hard to hear, but it's true. Maybe she is disrespectful to the family because you guys never accepted her. And ya know what? You don't have to accept her, but you should accept the situation. Keep smiling, let your son know that you'll accept the choices he wants to make. There is a VERY high chance that they will break up anyway. It's very rare these days for teens to marry & stay together forever. This is his first love, so he'll be a little drama queen about it. Love him but let him choose for himself & be OK with it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:40 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

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