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How would u deal with social service taking ur kids away?

I have a 7 year old boy named Richard (Allen) and 5 year old girl named Summer. They took my kids from me almost 6 years ago. I did everything that they told me to do. I went to there dr. appt when they told me about them, I tried to get a job but nobody would hire me being 6 months pregnant. I went to every court date. They tried to give both grandmas they kids but when they did the home inspection the both fail. The fathers mother came to court and told the judge that she was not choosing her grandkids over her son. I paid my child support every month. Then they finally adopted them out and it is a open adoption. I have not talk to my kids in 3 years and have not seen them in 4 years. She dont send pictures, she dont answer my letters that I send. But I send things for there birthdays, Christmas, and every other hoilday. I send pictures of my youngest son to them. And it upset me everyday. Can somebody help me on how to deal with this.

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Babygirl121307

Asked by Babygirl121307 at 10:52 AM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Adoption

Level 7 (177 Credits)
Answers (33)
  • Social services would never take my kids away in the first place.

    I would suggest contacting the adoption agency that dealt with your children & ask them.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:55 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Why were they taken in the first place? I couldnt handle someone coming into MY home and taking MY kids.... It's not hard to prevent that, keep a CLEAN home, Keep your children feed, bathed and cared for!
    SWEETPEAS3MOM

    Answer by SWEETPEAS3MOM at 11:02 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • If you're kids got taken away from you & put into adoption, then i'm assuming they have a real good reason to. Courts really hate taking kids away from their parents. They only do it if the parents are really putting their children at risk.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:07 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • In Ky they dont care. They did not investgate nothing they just took my kids. And i did keep my house clean, feed my kids and bath them
    Babygirl121307

    Comment by Babygirl121307 (original poster) at 11:12 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I don't know what to tell you, as I have not been in that situation or know anything about open adoptions. I guess keep sending them letters, cards and whatnot and maybe someday someone might contact you. As for how to deal with the situation-- I would suggest counseling.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:25 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I would suggest counseling.

    I don't know why your children were taken. I can only hope it was with good reason but I've seen CPS make mistakes before. My mom used to be a CASA worker and she said there were many times that she saw kids removed for minor things like a slightly dirty (BUT NOT UNLIVEDABLE) house or verbal abuse that could have been remedied with parenting classes and close monitoring but then she would see kids being repeatedly beaten, have hospital reports, and have absolute DUMPS for houses and those kids wouldn't be removed.

    She said a lot of it depends on the case worker's personality. She would tell the judge her opinions and findings but if the main case worker disagreed then often they would go with whatever the case worker said. They see HUNDREDS of these cases a day...sadly some just get pushed through.

    Anyways...I don't know why your kids were taken away but I hope you find closure. GL!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • They did do an investigation. It is VERY hard to terminate parental rights. I'm not saying you were a bad mother, I am just stating the fact that it is very difficult to remove a child from the home. Social services did not decide that they should not be with you. A family court judge did based on the information presented to him or her during multiple hearings. A family court judge or law enforcement saw fit to remove a child from what appeared to be a dangerous situation. Not a social worker. While the social worker may assist in investigating abuse and neglect cases, they are not the ones to come in and yank a child out of a home. I'm sorry you are hurting but I know a ton of women who have had children removed and many of them think there was no reason why. But I often know there was a reason why. You can seek counseling and support.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 3:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Regardless of why SS removed the kids, and regardless of the reason for the adoption, you are a grieving mother. It's perfectly normal to ache when you don't have your children in your arms and the time of year is especially hard on you, no doubt. I'm sorry that they haven't continued to send pics and updates, but what I would suggest to you is to copy every letter, card, and take pics of all gifts that YOU send, so that when your children come back to find you, that they will see what you sent, regardless of whether they got those things, or whether they were hidden or trashed. Another thing that I might suggest is journaling your thoughts and feelings towards your children as a way to decompress and acknowledge your pain and loss. Also, there is a birth mom's group on here that is for moms who didn't or aren't raising their children. Some were voluntary & some were not. No judgments.

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:11 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • http://www.cafemom.com/group/4974 This is the Birth mom's group. Take care.

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 4:13 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I'm sorry for you but I'm an adoptive mother on the other side of this issue. I've had my children for over 10 years. This year we finally made contact with their birthmother and she was a piece of work. Of course, she complained that none of it was her fault, she did everything she was supposed to do, and she couldn't understand why they took her kids away. It was all a bunch of lies that fell apart almost as soon as they were out of her mouth. It took CYS almost 3 years to terminate the parental rights and find a permanent home for them. Don't tell us that you did nothing wrong and they just swooped into your home and stole your kids away because I don't buy it!!
    ceallaigh

    Answer by ceallaigh at 4:13 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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