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What would your response be?

My parents were married for 22 yrs, divorced when I was 19. My dad remarried a year post divorce. His wife tried to move into our lives like the new mommy. When we were basically like, I have a mom thank you, she got pissy. We had no problem being civil, but that wasn't good enough, so she was very aloof to us for the next 20 yrs. Making holidays a pain etc. Last July while she was inside eating a sandwich, my dad had a cardiac "event" in the pool and drown. A year after being so devestated, she informed me and my sibs, that he left us each 10K. BUT, she technically didn't have to give us anything. So she wrote the 3 of us a personal check for 7K, saving herself 9K. I guess the will is a "trust" and her lawyer told her she could get away with this. My sister has washed her hands of the situation...but my younger brother is LIVID to say the least.
I asked her for a barometer my dad had on his desk at the office...she told me no, because she was with him when he bought it and it was memories of a nice day for the two of them. I know my dad would not be happy with how she has treated us since his death. We sat BEHIND her 2 kids at his funeral, like second class citizens. I am so disgusted, I can't even talk to her. I want to write her a letter telling her exactally how I have felt these past 20 yrs. Should I? Or should I just let this go? It won't bring my dad back anyway....

Answer Question
 
salexander

Asked by salexander at 10:54 AM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 26 (28,366 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • U should tell her in person so she can look into your eyes when u tell her how u feel
    cnoble927

    Answer by cnoble927 at 11:00 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Honestly I'd write the letter just to get it out of my system then burn it. It won't do any good to mail it. She won't change. She won't care. Cherish the memories of your dad. Go on with your life. My mom went through something similar, although she was an adult when her mom died. She let it eat at her for the first couple of years, it doesn't help you. Go out and buy a similar barometer and put a nice picture of your dad next to it. When she dies get the items of your dad's you want - assuming her children will allow it. Forget about her in the meantime. She's not worth your energy.
    goorob

    Answer by goorob at 11:02 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Do you care what this woman thinks of you? If it will make you feel better, then I say do it. Just as long as you are prepared for a response. It's about clearing the air for you though.
    michelle121003

    Answer by michelle121003 at 11:02 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • If it will be closure for you then you should do it. But I would not expect anything good to come of it.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 11:04 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I imagine how you must feel. If I were in your shoes I would clear the air with her. and let her know how you felt about her trying to be your mom when already had one. I see know no reason why she reacted the way she did. and if she does not change the you should fight for the whole sum of what your father left you and your sibling and possible of your father assets. I know it woudn't bring your father back but, at least you would have something that will make you feel close to him. and like you said your father wouldn't like how she is treating you and your siblings. I hope my answer helps somehow. God Bless and Take Care.
    mjperez

    Answer by mjperez at 11:09 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • It sounds like she's getting her revenge for you all not excepting her in the family. She may not have wanted to be your mom, just wanted to be close to her husbands children. I know you excepted her to a point, but it made her feel limited and alienated from all of you.  I do find making his first children (you and siblings) sitting behind his step children appalling and I would be facing her with that. Also, I don't know how she can change his will, I would be checking into that also. Sorry about your loss hon, she is being childish now.  Maybe it's grief or maybe she is just a bitch.........IDK.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 11:09 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Thanks ladies, I don't expect anything or want anything from her. I just feel this need to get about 20 yrs worth of garbage off my chest. Her kids won't ever let us have the things left when she dies. I think she is a dispicable human being. She has a beautiful home that is paid off, the cars etc. I just wanted on lousey thing as a momento of MY father, and she denied me. I would never in a million years do that to my SD. If my DH dies before me and his DD asks me for certain things, well...wish granted! Who am I to tell a child no? Even if she is grown? She got me this ugly box of his ashes, and did not get my brother or sister one. She is sick. Funny how after a death a persons true colors come out.
    salexander

    Comment by salexander (original poster) at 11:12 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Write the letter just so you can get it off your chest. Make sure you state in the letter that you do not wish to have anything to do with her ever again and that if she were having a "cardiac" event in front of you...you'ld walk away and get yourself a sandwich. Mail it to her and be done with this witch once and for all. Now as far as the money is concerned, I would talk to a lawyer...if for nothing else but the principle. Even if the lawyer charges you and your siblings, let's say...$2,000...you all will still get $7k and at least it's money she won't get. Good luck!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 11:12 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Write the letter...get everything off your chest...and then let it go.. Move on. What she did/is doing is disgusting and I'm sure your father would be so devastated by this, and on that note; would he want you spending the rest of your life fighting with this woman?...probably not. So I say move on and live your life with the great memories you had with your dad. Forget about this woman and the horrible things she has done...you can't change her or what has happened. GL.
    MomOnTheRun11

    Answer by MomOnTheRun11 at 11:32 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Write the letter get it off your chest then burn the letter it will serve no purpose don't go down to her level cherish the memories that you have of your father.
    pbilotti

    Answer by pbilotti at 12:10 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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