Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What are the odds of this happening again?

I was married for 9 years before my ex-husband came to me and told me he was gay. Everyone was shocked beyond belief when he "came out" because you would never have known from his actions, mannerisms and personality that he was a gay man. I really don't want this to happen again...but what are the chances it could happen again?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I would say very slim. Im sorry that happened to you.
    leksismommy

    Answer by leksismommy at 10:57 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • embarrassed


    Srsly? 

    ballewal

    Answer by ballewal at 10:57 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Seriously what?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Very small.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 10:58 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • OMG!!!
    ShouldHaveLeft

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 10:58 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Anything is possible, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that, it had to be devastating for you. I've heard that many married men are on the down low and to me, that is so cruel to the wife. Not to mention the diseases he could bring home to her. I'm glad your out of it and really don't have gay-dar for these guys, their pretty tricky and discreet in all ways as you've found out.

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 11:00 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • confusedwell that sucks. i cant imagine how u felt. you have no idea how many guys are on the down low these days. and these men dont act feminine at all. i have been on many dates with supposedly straight men and after couple dates i would tell them that i have some news; i would then tell them that i was actually born a male but had a sex change and a boob job. i would then ask them if they would still be open to keep on dating me and you wouldn't believe ! 75% said yes they would be open to it. i always pull that trick and i am amazed how many men are on the down low. btw;; i look nothing like a man, i am as feminine looking as they come. i also have had guys freak out on me when i tell them i was born a "guy" lol. but then i tell them the truth and they settle down after some coaxing.

    maya123

    Answer by maya123 at 11:28 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • It is possible it could happen again. I would talk to your ex I think had you looked deep down you would have seen he wasn't who he seemed. Not blaming you for not knowing but we all tend to overlook the warning signs when clouded by attraction and lust. My aunts first husband was gay and so was her second husband. She is married a third time and I am positive he is gay as well. I think she seeks out men who are not fully available to her so she doesn't have to be fully intimate with anyone.

    I would personally in future relationships spend even more time getting to know the person you are dating before even thinking about walking down the aisle. There are always warning signs something is not right. I am sure if you were honest with yourself you could look back and see there were signs you just overlooked because you were "in love". That is why marriage needs to be a decision made with your head not your heart.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I have been fully honest with myself...not once in the past 10 years did I ever notice anything that would suggest he was gay. nothing. And it's not just me. It's my family and friends as well as his family and friends. I was a naive 25 year old when we got married and I think he preyed on that and knew he could hide it. If it was just me, I could understand what you mean...but it's literally everyone that knows him. thanks for your advice.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:15 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • That is why marriage needs to be a decision made with your head not your heart.

    I totally agree with Anon, most of the marriages happens because we are in love with our heart instead of our head. You never know if it will happen to you again, but just try to learn from your past experiences and don't be afraid of trying again. Just when we were little, we felt a lot of times from the bicycle and we didn't stop riding it just because we got hurt. right?? I'm just saying don't be afraid of giving yourself another chance just because you got hurt the first time. Maybe the first guy wasn't what God had for you, ask him to send you the right guy He has for you. Good luck!!!
    bratgirln1

    Answer by bratgirln1 at 12:18 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN