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Were you a virgin when you got married? Will you try to teach your children not to have premarital sex even if you did? Do you think that is hyprocritical?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 AM on Nov. 6, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • I wasn't a virgin when I got married. I will, however, try to teach my children to wait simply b/c that's what I would rather for them. Of course it's hypocritical, but I'm not planning to divulge my sexual history to my children!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 7:23 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I was not a virgin when I got married... it WAS however with the man I did end up marrying. I still feel bad about it... but I KNEW we were going to get married. I had prayed for a long time for God to send me my husband. I don't know what we're going to teach our kids... but I don't want to lie to them about it. And I don't want the "Well YOU did it!" excuse thrown in my face.

    Answer by MarlyeGirl at 4:50 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Children do not need to know everything about their parents.They are CHILDREN after all, and we are the adults.

    I was not a virgin when I got married (at age 32, that would have been creepy) and I had a lot of great and awful sex adventures along the way. Is any of that my children's business? NO! I will raise them to respect themselves and others.

    Our daughter is in kindergarten and we've already talked about "no kissing" and what it means to have a crush on someone (oy vey). But since when is an adult's sexual history open book to their children? That's just creepy (yeah, I like that word). I believe that we can raise our children to act in a sexually responsible way. I also believe that children are children and adults are adults.


    Answer by Wimsey at 5:32 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Wimsey, to say that someone saves theirselves untill they marry and don't untill they are 32, and then say that it would be "creepy" if they were a virgin is very small minded. It takes a strong person to wait that long, and I applaud anyone who does and do not thin it's "creepy".
    I was a virgin untill I got married. It was very hard to abstain when all my friends were drinking and partying and getting pressured into those types of things. I've never dated anyone but my husband and we had several opportunities, but that wasn't what we were thinking about. I think if you instill strong christian morals in your children, they will do the right thing.

    Answer by navy-wife at 7:24 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I was not a virgin before I was married......I will teach my DD to wait, however DH and I firmly believe in being honest with her about our experiences. I will make sure she knows the negative side of the things I went through by not waiting. The choice is ultimately hers after all.

    Answer by Kimebs at 7:42 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I wasn't a virgin when I got married but I was when I met my husband and he was too (I was 17 and he was 21). We will be upfront and honest with our children. They need to wait for love to have sex. Sex is special. My husband and I didn't purposefully wait till we found the one we were going to marry to have sex; we just waited until we found someone we loved. We are not naive and realize our sons may have sex when teenagers and we won't be upset. However, we do hope they follow our example.

    Answer by purpleducky at 7:44 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I was not a virgin. I will teach my children that waiting is best, but I also can't force them. All I can do is not allow it in my house. I will not lie to them, if they directly ask me, I will tell them I was not a virgin. However, I will not give them details, or tell them how many men I slept with or how old I was or anything like that. I'd have to tell them I wasn't a virgin, b/c I was pregnant with my oldest when I married their father. I don't think it's hypocritical, I think it shows them that I do know what it's like to have sex without being married, and that's why I think waiting would be best.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:51 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I wasnt "married" when i had sex i was 18 years old though, and im still with the man i lost it with and he has gave me 2 children, in 8 years,

    i will at least let my children know its better to love one...than lose many
    and try to keep them "virgins" until their adults 18 or so,
    But also i want my kids to turn to me when there is a problem or when their curious about sex so i wont press the issue , until they want to hide behind my back and do the "deed"
    i will just wait until the right time and discuss it,

    Answer by LexsiesMommy at 9:24 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I wasn't a virgin the first or second marriage. I think my kids can figure it out since the first 2 are in their dad's and my wedding pics. And all the kids are in my second wedding pic. I don't hide much from them, but I don't let them know details. I do however stress how important it is to be in a respectful, loving relationship, not to treat people bad, and don't let people treat you bad..... married or not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Creepy is as creepy does. Color me insensitive, but not having any intimate relationships for 14 years is not what I call mental health. I've always hated the phrase "saving myself" as if S-E-X is something naughty and gross.

    * 14 years - figured adult age of 18 to my 32 year married self....

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:12 PM on Nov. 6, 2008