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I want to leave my husband how do I tell him? please don't bash I know what I did was wrong

My husband and I haven't had sex in almost a year, I'm in a really emotionally abusive relationship/marriage and I just cheated on my husband yesterday and today. I really like this guy but I told him I was married and at first he was fine with it and now he is freaking which is why I held off on telling him. I really like him though. But I'm afraid to leave my DH because I've been with him since I was 15, I'm not 21. I love him but not the way I use to. How do I tell him I want out without telling him I cheated.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:52 AM on Nov. 6, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Just tell him that it's not working out and you don't feel the same way you use to. You probably should have told him before you slept with the next man, but it's too late for that. I suggest you try to do this as soon as possible because a lot of people nowadays are getting killed over jealous rages. You don't know how these men will react if they come in contact with each other. Tell your husband you need some time away from him to think, and start making arrangemnts to move, but not into the home of this new guy. Find a place of your own or move in with family until this blows over. Really think this over,,sweetie.
    makeitlast4ever

    Answer by makeitlast4ever at 5:08 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • well moving in with the other guy is not an option cause we were going through training together and they said that they would set up all the appointments and we would just have to go to them. then on tuesday they said on well you have to go door to door so both of us got pissed. he asked if i wanted to hang and i said sure so we wanted to watch some movies and we came back here and then it happened.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I feel terrible about it and my DH knows something happened and he knows i'm not telling him something. but the other guy got kicked out of his moms cause he got fired from his last job. and he is freaking cause when i told him i was married he was cool with being fwb and then he called later cause he wants to be more and i just can't until i leave my DH. i don't think he would kill me. cause one of his old friends just killed him stb ex wife and then killed himself it was on the news it happened october 16. but i feel terrible cause i feel like i should stay cause he is so sad now. but deep inside i really yearn to be with this other guy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:15 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • You really don't know what anyone will do. Do you think he knows you cheated. He hasn't been with you in a year. Has he been unfaithful? How old are you all?
    makeitlast4ever

    Answer by makeitlast4ever at 5:20 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Also the new guy got kicked out of his mom's hose and fired from his job, Are you thinking clearly? Do you really know this new guy? I'm not bashing I've just been around a little while and sometimes we ladies jump from the oven into the frying pan.
    makeitlast4ever

    Answer by makeitlast4ever at 5:25 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • he is 27, i'm 21. he isn't cheating he hasn't since he got back together. he just has been so stressed the past year or since my daughter was born that he doesn't want to do anything with me. this other guy Aaron he is great we hit it off since we first meet, we have like everything in common but he doesn't want to end up taking care of my daughter i want to tell him that she is my husbands responsibility, no his that he doesn't have to be involved with her until he wants to be right now he is freaking and he told me not to call or text him. I know that he cares a lot about me. but it still hurt when he said it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Feelings are always changing. If you leave your husband for this other guy, your feelings will change for him, too. Marriage is about being committed to helping each other become the best that each of you can be. I don't understand why you haven't had sex with your husband for a year, but that will kill any marriage. It is fixable, though. You and your husband need to sit down and you should be honest with him. Tell him whatever you need to tell him and ask him to forgive you. Ask for the opportunity to try to make your marriage work. And it does take work. Too many people lack the understanding of what it takes to make a marriage good and to make it the most fulfilling institution ever created. Please do no waste this opportunity to have such a marriage.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:01 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • You just need to make up your mind..Leave him or make it work. Do you have family close by you can turn to???
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:17 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • omg, honey you are so young and your feelings change like the wind, but you need to really look at what you have posted. You didn't say anything about your hubby being a jerk, but you mentioned that Aaron got fired, his own mother kicked him out and he doesn't want to be bothered with your daughter. Don't leave your hubby for someone who cannot help you and your daughter. You must think about the both of you. I have been with my hubby for 13 years and it has been full of ups and downs. Sometimes I really thought I couldn't be with my hubby anymore, but that's when you're supposed to remember your vows. Please rethink your decision.
    makeitlast4ever

    Answer by makeitlast4ever at 10:19 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • If you are unhappy u need to leave,you are not doing youre daughter any favors for staying to gether for her.But remember this other guy looks good because they all do in the beginning.its new and exciting.try talking to youre husband .if you decide to leave you need to get youre own place.
    lifeisgood176

    Answer by lifeisgood176 at 10:48 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

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