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2 Bumps

My kids now really hate their dad

My twins had court ordered visitation with their dad over thanksgiving (he hadn't wanted to see them in over a year) and now they don't even want to think about him. He made them clean one of his other kids' rooms that was a mess when they got there, while the other kids got to play video games in another room and spent most of the time he had with them in the computer room playing farmville on facebook. Now all I have to do when they act up is threaten to send them to his house and they straighten right up.

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Asked by sweet29mom at 2:26 PM on Dec. 3, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 18 (5,093 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • Did you hear this story just from your kids because I have 3 and I know how embellished or exaggerated their tales can become? I would ask him directly what happened, tell him what they said happened, and then explain that he's not going to have much of a relationship with them if he doesn't treat them right. Why did he suddenly decide he wanted visitation anyway?

    Answer by ceallaigh at 2:29 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • He wouldn't let me talk to them for a couple days, didn't answer the phone when I called to talk to them and Caleb doesn't really lie or embellish much, besides, I have seen his facebook posts -- nothing but farmville for 10 hours a day. He owes me over $10,000 in back child support and thinks that if he wins custody, he won't have to pay it. He sent a response to a text where I referred to my fiance and me as "we", he said he can't and won't deal with a "we", that there is no "we" just me, him and the kids. He's only been interested in seeing them if I was single and he thought he could get some nookie.

    Comment by sweet29mom (original poster) at 2:34 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Your ex sounds like primo slime. That being not threaten your kids with going to see him. That is cruel and unnecessary. You are court ordered to send them to spend time with Dad. If you can't be nurturing of that relationship then at least don't be distructive to your own children. They will grow to resent you for it later. Even though they say they 'hate him'...all kids of broken homes want both parents, even if they say differently.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:39 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • that was the only court ordered visitation, he has never been interested in 8 years and if he had simply asked, it wouldn't have been a problem, but he has also told them not to listen to me even tho he has never taken time to even throw a ball with them. He didn't even have their picture out where it could be seen until they got there.

    Comment by sweet29mom (original poster) at 2:43 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • At this point them being with him sounds a hell of a lot worse than you threatening them with going to his house although I would not recommend doing that, even to get them to mind. Is there any way to try to push for visitation to his house getting revoked? Not bothering to answer the phone when he has them is horrible and what he is saying about you having a fiance is just immature and ridiculous.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • We go back to court in a couple weeks and I'm considering bringing the kids to tell the judge what happened, since they are old enough to testify. Hopefully the nasty text messages he left on both our phones will be enough to revoke visitation. I only threatened the kids once and the reaction, while kind of funny, scared the crap out of me and I'll never do it again. They used to cry about not going there but now say they never want to go back.

    Comment by sweet29mom (original poster) at 2:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I will say, keep everything, text, email, whatever, to show the judge, and what I dont get is why they judge would make kids go see someone they wouldnt want to go see(now that they no longer want to see him) so hopefully that wont happen. I would take the kids, if allowed, and let them tell the judge. If he owes you that much $ and with his history, there is no way in hell he will get cusody. The best thing you can do besides that is do everything "by the rules" and not cause any waves untill you get to talk to the judge. Good luck!

    Answer by minimo77 at 3:04 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • My fiance and I are seriously considering getting married in the courthouse before the next court date so that he can't claim his house is more stable because he is married and I am not. We were planning to do it at the end of the school year by a judge anyway. I think it may help.

    Comment by sweet29mom (original poster) at 3:07 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • If you're getting married anyway..the sooner the better..esp if your fiance is live in. DEF. bring the kids to court. Reassure them that all they have to do is tell the jusge the truth, and it's okay to tell them how they really felt at Dads house. 8 yrs is ridiculous. The courts in Texas terminated my sons and DILs parental rights aft 18 months of no contact. Now I KNOW he's a slime. Save all texts, emails, phone machine recordings..anything that goes to character. Hammer home he has done zilch for 8 yrs.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:12 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • That is very sad for your kids. I feel bad for them. I still wouldn't use him as a punishment (although, I am sure that was just a joke), one day they may forgive him and be angry with you. People do strange things when it comes to their parent's.

    Answer by Peajewel at 7:59 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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