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7 Bumps

I had been molested by my mothers husband...should I let them see my kids?

It's been a long time since the incidents (3 separate times) and I cannot get myself to let my children go see thier grandmother because of what her husband did to me when I was around the age of 6. She says I'm having false memories and that someone else did this to me but I know for certain that's not true. I have really hateful feelings toward this individual. He won't admit to what he did. I feel that because of this my children will not be safe. She is upset that I don't trust her to keep my children safe...I don't know what to say about this. After over two years of not speaking with me she feels it's okay for her to ask me to take my children for a shopping trip with her husband. I don't want them to be near him. Am I harming my childrens relationship with her? Am I justified in these feelings that I have? I truely hate thinking about this and wish I didn't have to deal with this. I let her come to my place to see the kids so long as she left her husband at home. This happened once (just recently) in the two plus years. She was refusing to come see them if her husband wasn't welcome. Can you beleive that? Anyhow now she wants to have them visit with him as well. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
Bursey

Asked by Bursey at 2:43 PM on Dec. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (42)
  • Trust your instinct!
    Simplicity3

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 2:45 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • NO
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 2:47 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Yeah trust your instincts and keep them away. Your job is to protect your kids, not to make sure your mothers feelings aren't hurt. Frankly, if she didn't believe me I wouldn't have anything to do with my mother
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 2:47 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Tough situation. You're first responsibility is to the safety of your children not the feelings of your mother. I'd say she's welcome he is not and I certainly leave the mover there. This is a sucky deal, sorry you're there.
    raynestar

    Answer by raynestar at 2:47 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Noo!!! if you don't think they will be safe, then hell no! She obviously didn't keep you safe. If she wants to see them, she should come to your house or make arrangements to meet you somewhere. Let her know that her husband is NOT welcome.
    Shanna84

    Answer by Shanna84 at 2:47 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • The definition of "False Memories" is having a "recovered" memory of an event which did not occur. You're not having false memories! These are your children & you are obligated to protect them. You let your mom see the kids at your home, without him or she doesnt get to visit. Period. Dont even discuss it further. Set the rules & stick to them. If she chooses to stand by him instead of you, then you & the kids are better off with her out of your lives. Sounds harsh but a mother should always chose her child first & she did not do that with you.
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 2:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I feel that because of this my children will not be safe

    ^^^^^^^^^^
    right on the money ! DON'T LET THEM GO !!!!!!!!! If your GRANDMOTHER (even though the comments she says
    are just terrible- and IMO she shouldn't see them EITHER) wants to see them , she should visit with them at your home!
    WITHOUT him!
    khf22

    Answer by khf22 at 2:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • NO NO NO! You would be crazy to!
    AbsoluteSelf

    Answer by AbsoluteSelf at 2:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I lived this life!!! And, for that very reason, my kids were NEVER allowed to be at their house without my supervision. My mom also denied all that happened to me even when the psychologist told her she needed to address it. I finally got to the point I was tired of her denial and stopped taking the kids over. Once they were old enough to understand the situation, I explained it to them so they would understand and make the decision for themselves. None of them chose to visit anymore. My kids are grown now. And, my mother is still with the same sick man and still living in denial. That's ok. It's theirs to face on judgement day, not mine. But, no, I would not recommend visits that are not supervised by your and/or your DH/SO.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 2:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • i agree trust your instinct because you dont want it happening to your children.!
    babbykrissy

    Answer by babbykrissy at 2:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

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