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Should I try to be part of my sons life, he has just turned 18,& my mom took custody of khim when he was 3. It was never an issue of abuse or neglect by me, but things he has asked me about, wanting to know if they were true, were appalling. His response to me is neutral, although polite always, but he does not seem interested in spending time w/me. is it to much to hope a bond 15 years ago could survive such an enviromrent or am i fooling myself. should I let him anitiate any contact? help!

 
superminx

Asked by superminx at 6:48 PM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • He might feel hurt, neglected and or resentful that you weren't in his life. Give him time. He might come around, but he might not. You can't push yourself on him. He needs to come to a decision in HIS own time whether he wants a relationship with you.
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 11:17 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I have a dad who let me go as well. And I have another half brother in the same situation. At first I wanted to speak to my dad when I could but I quickly realized it wasn't all I had dreamed about. It turned out to be dissappointing for me. But you could be in a totally different place now. If you are ready to be a parent to him then go for it, but if not then I would let it go :(
    AbsoluteSelf

    Answer by AbsoluteSelf at 6:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • You should ABSOLUTELY try to be a part of his life! I think that in this situation, you should take it slow.... don't come on as "MOM" and cause him to pull away. Whatever the reasons were for him growing up with your mom.... that is a lot of years with him relying on Grandma in the Mom role. DO befriend him.... write him quick notes of encouragement, give him quick phone calls just to "say hi".... and allow him to reach out from there. Being a constant, positive person in your son's life is just what he needs. Especially since he seems to have been filled with negative ideas toward you. You just need to slowly let him see the marvelous person you are through small every day interactions. Don't wait for him to reach out! Baby steps.... what bond was once there can become a brand new stronger bond.
    jstdawnee

    Answer by jstdawnee at 6:53 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • well he is 18 and he is at an age where he is smart enough to know what he is doing. He is coming to you because he has questions that are unanswered. I would at least be friends with him but not a mother as he always had a mother in hs life already. if you try to be a mother now, he'd wonder where you always were through the little things and such.

    It is ok to be in his life but let him know that you want to be but he will always look to your mom as his mother for anything else.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 7:31 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Why did your mom take custody of him?
    CarriePM

    Answer by CarriePM at 7:31 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • wow at 18yrs he is mad he just can't understand why you would give him up ,you have to think the way he does ,in time he will understand the choice you made ,but alot understanding will have to go both ways,i to gave up a son when he was 6yrs it was hard my family did not understand my choices he always new who i was,yes i talk to him while he was growing up ,it was hard to see him every day but in time we have grown close he 25yrs now .we talk when ever he comes to town ,just hang in there don't give up hope you both need to grow and yes you need him in your life and he needs you .the love for child does not leave our hearts but grows ,
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 8:04 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I think you should be part of his life.but at his own pace.One day he will see the whole picture.but now he is too young to really understand.Just send birthday cards, and call him occasionally.He will warm up to you eventually.Give him time.And tell him you love him when you do talk to him.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 9:11 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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