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8 Bumps

I need advice... ANY advice would be appreciated :( (Feeling VERY depressed)

I am 24 and I already have an 8 year old daughter. My boyfriend and I met only in July. I was actually planing on breaking things off with him and then I found out I'm pregnant. I am 10 weeks now. He has NO money, he works but he already has 3 girls he raises by himself. They are 12 and the other two are twins age 13. He JUST got this job. It's not like it's a great paying job, either. I work part time for now, I am working at a store handing out samples... it sucks but it's a job. You see, I was laid off back in April I am a phlebotomist (I draw blood) I went to school for about 10 months for this and spent a great deal of money on it. I am having trouble finding another Phlebotomy job. I feel so lonely b/c my boyfriend is supportive (he wants the baby and is excited, he has even said he hopes it's a boy) but he doesn't seem to be very worried about the financial aspect of things. I feel that we have nothing in common besides when we first met we would drink and have fun on the weekends. Now when I go over there on the weekends he drinks with his roommate and I feel llike, "what am I even doing here?!". I feel like he could be taking the $ he spends on alcohol and having a good time and taking me to the movies or out to dinner. We never do anything but sit in his house. I decided not to go there tonight I told him I am depressed and not feeling well and he said "Okay". He didn't even care enough to ask why I am depressed or ask what is wrong. Whenever I mention how scared I am or how I am nervous about the baby and how this is going to pan out he doesn't really say anything. I feel like having an abortion but I really do not want to. I am 24 and responsible for my actions.I don't have much support from family and money is extremely tight already. I feel like cutting him out completely b/c it is so frustrating how he acts!! I feel alone and like nobody understands. I don't know WHAT to do!! Anyone have any advice?

Sharon

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Queenie09

Asked by Queenie09 at 9:15 PM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 5 (75 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • First of all, I'm sorry you're going through all of this. You need to have a serious talk with him, and tell him your concerns and lay down some rules. You are going to have a child together, and he needs to start respecting and caring about you a little more if you're going to be together. Even if you're not, he needs to respect you. However, I think you should probably try to work things out with him IF he's going to treat you well. Staying together if you don't want to be together isn't my advice either, though. He needs to be more financially responsible too, whether or not you stay together. Have you applied for any sort of government assistance or anything? There is lots of help you can receive if you need it. Best of luck!
    LovingSAHMommy

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 9:31 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I wouldn't get an abortion...... If your boyfriend is being this unsupportive you should still break it off with him even if you're pregnant. It may be hard, but he may make it even harder! I wish you luck I kinda have the same problems :( You can do it!
    shanapiv

    Answer by shanapiv at 9:34 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I agree with the lady above don't stay with this man just because you are pregnant, unless its what you really want, it does seem like his plate is full and you both surely should have used some protection first and foremost, but now that you are pregnant you need to really think hard about what you want to do, you raised an 8 yr old so you can raise this one, money is always tight when a new baby comes, you just do what you have to but you don't need the added stress of being in a relationship that isn't really working, and you are more likely to get financial help via child support if you aren't in a relationship, or living together,. remember he does have a say in what happens with the child though. Also it can't hurt to pray on it God always comes up with the right answers...Good luck
    StressedOut107

    Answer by StressedOut107 at 9:40 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I agree with both the ladies on this one. I am soo sorry you r feeling this way and I'll keep u in my thoughts and prayers. I understand times r tough when u r pregnant and u have someone that don't seem to care. I would sit down with him and tell him ur concern and thoughts and do seat some rules. If he seem to occupy with his friends and drinking then I would leave him and raise the new baby ur self. You do have a 8yr old right and I know she would love to help u take care of the new baby. There are government assistance u can get on to help u and 8yr old daughter out. I'm single mom with just one and I know how rough it is to keep money rolling in and making sure there food and clothes in the house. And money is tight with me and I have 2 jobs. If I had one more child I would be in the same boat as u. And u r not alone u have all of us to help u in need if u want help from us.
    andmaef28

    Answer by andmaef28 at 9:49 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • Yes it's a shame that ur going thru this. I would sit him down & talk 2 him at ur place, not his. Tell him how u feel. About everthing. The wanting 2 break up, all of it. C if yall can come 2 an understanding about ur situation. If ur not feeling it 4 him then I don't c a relationship working out. But if yall can come 2 an agreement on the little 1 then that would b great. Best of luck.
    amy197

    Answer by amy197 at 9:52 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • I know it's hard, but I think you need to end the relationship. Having a child together is not a good reason to continue a relationship, especially feeling the way you feel. He's obviously not going to be any help financially, so even that is not a reason to stay. Neither is abortion the right course of action. Since this is an accidental pregnancy and you already are having troubles, and have considered abortion, you may want to consider instead giving your baby up for adoption. This way, your baby will have a good life with people who can take care of him/her. Many adoption agencies will work with you while pregnant, and it's not like you sign a contract right away - if the baby is born and you decide you want to keep it you still can.
    As for what a PP said about him having a say in what happens to the child - no, he doesn't. You're not married, so it would be your choice regardless to even list him as the father.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 9:56 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • my thing is why have kids if you cant take care of them... its right right i see women with 7kids and they all look dirty and messy i think thats wrong im not saying that what youll look like at all, but also i wouldnt want you to do u know what also ,,,, but dont stay with the guy you'll hate yourself and maybe the baby too one day. i pray that things work out for you and ur family , if this is making you sad then it cant be right you should be happy and in love not sad
    twimommy

    Answer by twimommy at 1:17 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • You cannot just wing it by the seat of your pants. You cannot think " Okay it will just fall into place somehow." Because most of the time it does not. I am old fashioned in my beliefs. First off if he has three girls he is raising by himself as a man. There is some sort of BIG problem there. RED FLAG! They have a mother. Had to of somehow!!! Second of all not only should he be supporting you and his children a the honorable bread winner of the family ( as a man) he should definitey ( if he is not able to do that ) not be out spending his money on alchohol and other stuff like that. Priorities people!!!! I am not saying you should have an abortion nor do I want to make a decision for you but maybe you would be better off alone with this child and figure out a way that he doesnt need to be any way involved. You are still young and have a chance to find someone good in your life to have for you and the child you have already.
    NE1outthere

    Answer by NE1outthere at 9:48 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I agree with the other ladies
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 12:45 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • First of all, if he is excited about having a child with you, then there is hope for the 2 of you. You just need to work on communicating your needs and concerns about how you spend time together and finances. If he has custody of 3 girls by himself, that should tell you that he can and will step up to the plate. Second, an abortion or adoption is not a solution -- you will regret it later in life if you do either one. Things happen for a reason and it will all work out. Just talk to hm and explain how you feel and stay strong. good luck.
    sweet29mom

    Answer by sweet29mom at 12:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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