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3 Bumps

How do I get my marriage out of this rut? (long)

Where do I begin? We have been together for almost 4 years, married for 1 1/2 years, we have a 2 year old and a 2 month old. I got mad at him a few weeks ago for comments that keep piling up. Things he's said to me lately are that I'm selfish, I'm a brat, I get everything I want and he gets nothing, cooking is my duty, I'm ungrateful, etc. I told him I'm upset by these things and he doesn't understand why, that he was just putting his foot in his mouth.

He says I'm a brat and get everything because 3 years ago I got a camera (I'm a photographer), and then 2 years ago I got an even nicer camera. I sold the nicer one this summer to help with bills. I also got a new phone by paying $50 and signing a new agreement. I haven't bought shoes or clothes since I got pregnant with my 1st born, and my splurges are getting the gray out of my hair, so I get upset when he says that I'm spoiled, bratty or get everything.

So he told me he doesn't get anything, but I never have enough money left over to buy him anything. So I learned how to cook and I cook him great meals, but he says that doesn't count because it's my duty, just like taking the garbage out is his.

I told him he was being a d*** and he yelled that I need to stop being so ungrateful. I don't know where to go with that because he works full-time, I work 10-30 hours a week and I take care of everything in the house. He keeps complaining that he just can't get enough sleep. I haven't had a full night of sleep since my baby was born. I ask him to take the baby for 1 night when I have to work the next morning and he'll just get all pissed off and crabby. He wasn't like that with our first son. He'd help me out without me asking.

So, I need him to help me out, yet he thinks I'm not doing enough. I need him to be supportive of the work I do for the family. And I need to find a way to not be mad/disconnected from him. Be my marriage shrink. I can't afford one! Okay, go!

 
sunshine58103

Asked by sunshine58103 at 11:53 PM on Dec. 3, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,585 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • the book suggests that you do it without telling the other person. Another book to check out is the 5 love languages..its a good book too...maybe you can do the love dare first and let him do the love languages and after you do the love dare maybe he will willingly pick up on some of it.
    foxracing43701

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 12:37 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Whens the last time you guys went out just for dinner or fun with no kids?? Sounds like you two are just stressed.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 11:56 PM on Dec. 3, 2010

  • now THAT's a new one for me Angel... I'm waiting for him to leave so I get to keep the furniture and tv... funny thing is... doesn't matter who leaves, that's marital property and if you sell it or anything, you can be required to pay him his half in divorce court.... too funny tho that THAT is the reason you stay in a marriage you're not happy in.

    Poster:
    2 kids in that short of a time would have any couple stressed. My oldest child didn't sleep thru the night till she was almost 5 and yes, I was a sleep deprived mess. I slept at the other side of the house so my hubby could sleep peacefully (he worked I didn't and it was my choice, not his and he couldn't do much anyway since she was breast fed).
    The lovedare book is in walmart and most other bookstores. I think it could improve any marriage. I think the general rule of thumb is to be nice to each other, do the little things on a regular basis. It does help a LOT.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 6:00 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • holy Sh**!!!!! Are we married to the same man?? mine has been this way for 6 years. He will never change, you deserve better, leave now it will only get worse.
    1Angeland3Girls

    Answer by 1Angeland3Girls at 12:00 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • 2 months ago?
    sunshine58103

    Comment by sunshine58103 (original poster) at 12:01 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I'm sorry that you are having issues. Have you tried to talk to him without anyone getting angry...try to keep an open mind and not be defensive and ask him what the real issues are. Have you ever seen the movie Fireproof? If not watch it, try to get hubby to watch with you. It is a really good movie and there is a book called the love dare that goes along with it. It is very hard to follow the book but you would be surpirsed at the changes that it can put into action. Good luck momma and hang in there!
    foxracing43701

    Answer by foxracing43701 at 12:02 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • 1angel....why haven't you left yours?
    sunshine58103

    Comment by sunshine58103 (original poster) at 12:02 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • my husband and i have also hit this do not feel like you are the only one please. I havent slept througha night in almost 2 years and my husband never gets up but yells that he cant sleep get the kid to stop crying. i work full time im a full time student and i do all the house work. my husband cooks once in a while but everything else, including cleaning the mess he made cooking, is my duty. he dont even do his own laundry but when he has no clean clothes i get yelled at. my suggestion to you is to take sometime with just the two of you, get a sitter and do something as simple as dinner. if you cant afford to go out take the kids to grandmas or a friends and cook a special dinner at home and watch a movie together or play a board game! you have to reconnect yourselves. next time try skipping your dye job maybe, sure you will deffinatly probably hate it but do something for him. then hell see the hair cant be skipped
    aschwarz06

    Answer by aschwarz06 at 12:05 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Nice fox...I checked out the trailer for the movie. . . Thank you.
    sunshine58103

    Comment by sunshine58103 (original poster) at 12:07 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • It sounds to me like you are both stressed out and that both of you are feeling under appreciated. I too have to recommend the book "the love dare" I personally know of a few marriages that were SAVED by that book. As far as the movie "fireproof" it is a good movie and the message is very good, but my husband didn't like it-he thought it was way too cheesy and that the acting was terrible :S
    Cheesy or not though it is amazing how easy it is to get your marriage back on the right track if you just follow the few tips that the movie/book have.
    AshleyBishop06

    Answer by AshleyBishop06 at 12:08 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

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