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3 Bumps

Husband BLEW it for me.

When I was pregnant, my husband would make me feel bad for being emotional. I would cry and he would yell at me. When I was in the hospital after giving birth to our son, my husband didn't even bring me flowers. Even after my mother told him not to make the same mistake my father did by not getting flowers! Mother's day was the following Sunday, and he didn't get me a gift or even a card. NADA. I was so hurt.... I had been through so much with the pregnancy... I told him how hurt I was by this. He said sorry, but it wasn't sincere, and he hasn't done much of anything to make up for it except let me pick out a cheap locket that broke almost instantly about a month later. He couldn't even bother to put a photo in it. These might seem like petty things, but to me it appears that his heart just isn't in this... I now have some serious resentment toward him and can't seem to shake it. I feel bad for my baby son, that things took such a bad turn right when he entered the world. Thoughts?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:21 AM on Dec. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Sounds like hes not trying to understand your feelings :( That sucks. Some men are clueless.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 12:23 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Not to sound harsh, but he sounds like an inconsiderate douchebag. Yelling at you for being emotional?? Not being supportive when you're having a baby? I can definitely understand the resentment. What do you want to do, ultimately? It doesn't sound like he's someone who would be open to marriage counseling.
    Maybe a serious talk about how things need to change, or things will end (if that's how you feel) would help?
    Good luck, mama!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:24 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Have you sat him down and really talk to him about this. Look him in the eyes and force him to listen and tell him everything you're feeling. Explain to him how you feel that he's heart isn't really there anymore.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 12:24 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I have told him over and over again. He gets defensive. He gets cocky. He says sorry, sorry. But then it is always the same thing. I was postpartum and trying to BF and pumping milk. He threw some pumped milk down the drain after I told him not to. Yes, it was a mistake, because HE DOESN'T LISTEN. Or care. Or get it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:27 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • He is selfish. He won't change. I am sorry but that is the truth. You have a wonderful son from him but he is still selfish. You will either have to deal with it for the sake of your son or move on.
    TaraK.

    Answer by TaraK. at 12:32 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Other than that, how does he treat the baby? Is he helping with the baby? Is he supporting you both? If he's doing these things, maybe he's just not understanding the emotional part of your needs. That's something you both are going to have to sit down and talk about. Flowers, I could live without, that wouldn't due anything to justify how someone truly felt about me. Making you emotional?? Maybe he was just as nervous as you about the impending baby delivery.

    I'm not doing to dis anyone for that stuff, because my ex was never understanding of me emotionally either, for the most part neither is my new husband. But, my ex did take care of our family. The children were always cared for and supported. So, it's really something that only you can answer on how much he takes care of his family- if that makes sense.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:34 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I got left in the hospital for 2 days after I delivered my daughter, he only came to pick us up and screamed at me the whole way home about how I wasn't there for 2 days to clean the house for him. I left his ass after 6 months, I looked into my baby's eyes and she gave me the courage to go. She literally saved our lives. You do the math.
    MiasMama123

    Answer by MiasMama123 at 12:41 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • He is really good with the baby and he works hard. He isn't horrendous. I just feel like I am not a part of his equation.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:43 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I don't know if my DH would've lived after telling me I was "too emotional" while I was pregnant. Hell, I don't know if he would live if he told me that now! LOL! But it sounds like your DH is a bit ( and I use the word "bit" loosely) selfish. He needs to tune into you better and understand your needs and wants. Maybe he needs to grow up and realize it's not all about him.

    HaydensMama07

    Answer by HaydensMama07 at 1:13 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I dont know what I would do in your situation. I am sorry you are going through this.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 1:20 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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