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14 year old girl wants to date 17 year old. Too young?

I am new to this parenting-of-a-teen stuff. My 14 year old niece now lives with us. She wants to date a boy who is a senior (17). Is this appropriate? Should I let her ride in his car? We have already told her no, but she has several same-age friends who are also dating seniors with their parents approval. (And look at Miley Cyris). I Just don't know how to argue this one without saying 'I don't trust these boys' which would send her through the roof! Can anyone help?

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Asked by NewEnglandKari at 9:48 AM on Nov. 6, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (26)
  • put your foot down with her. she is 14 and very vulnerable. just because everyone else does it doesn't mean she needs to. Since this boy is a senior he should be turning 18 soon. At that point I would not allow them to. If something happened this boy could get in a lot of trouble. Tell her to find someone closer to her age.

    Answer by jessicamelia83 at 9:52 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • First, in my opinion, a 14 year old should NOT be dating.....that's my opinion!

    Second, I don't think it's appropriate for a 14 year old to be dating a 17 year old. Yes, I know it's only a 3 year difference, and yes as they get older age is just a number and doesn't matter as much. (My DH is 5 years older then me: we met post my senior year! Honestly if I met him before that it would have been on way in HELL, from my parents). However when they are young like that it does matter!!! So I think you are right to say NO! Oh and this well all my friends.... one things I got told as a kid by my parents: If all your friends jump off a bridge to their death would you jump too? What they were saying is just because your friends are doing it doesn't mean it's right for you!

    Answer by SAHMinIL at 9:55 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Nooooo waaaay! Hanging out with and especially dating people so much older usually just leads to trouble. The only older kids I let my 13 year old hang out with are ones whos families I know well and they're all in our church youth group. Plus, in reality, most 17 year old are sexually active or will be soon. I wouldn't want my 14 year old to get involved in all of that stuff yet.

    Answer by winkie_pinkie at 9:57 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • IMO they'll just sneak behind your back if you say no. I would let her see him but under your conditions and supervision. I would not let her ride in his car at all though. Set clear rules with her and make sure she feels comfortable enough to talk to you about things.

    Answer by sbastille at 9:58 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I would say No, she's too young. Mylie Cyrus is a little Tramp Wannabe! And what ever you do, if you let see him, Don't let her be ALONE with him. You know how guys are! A 17 year old boy may pressure her to do something she's not ready for and if all of her friends are dating older guys, they may pressure her too. Oral Sex is a Fad at that age! My mom let me date an an older guy before I was ready and I ended up spending all of my time fighting him off and saying no to alcohol. Don't put her in a position to have to stand up to, him if she may not be able to handle it.

    Answer by amydh at 10:37 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • I was 14 with a 17yr. old he was my first everything I broke up with him when I turned 19Yr. I don't see anything wrong with it and yes she will do it behind your back if you try to stop it. When my mom found out she put me on birth control so I was on birth control for 6yrs., if she would have told me no I could not have dated him I would have done it anyway and probably ended pregnant if she would not have put me on birthcontrol.

    Answer by Heaven0802 at 10:37 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • 14 is too young to date period.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 11:16 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • There is a huge difference in maturity levels for those ages. Please consider discussing this with her very very gently. If she still feels the same way when she is 17 and he is 21, then maybe. Otherwise he may be just looking for a young girl to play with.

    Answer by SusieD250 at 11:19 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • So what if you say.....Men have trigger points an once you set them off .......not all males no how to handle will act on those trigger points an you could end up preg.Alot of good young people make the same mistake an end up young parents.Its not you dont trust her or him.Its you dont trust mother nature.Who sets those triggers off in males an females.She may act on them if he sets her trigger points off.Its hard to control that an you an I both no it.What starts with a kiss ends up a life long regret.BE honest with her an loving an careing an you care what happens to her future.You have to trust her to a point or she will rebell an sneak an you will find out later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • No, no, no. When she is 18, then she can date a 21 y/o. You are asking for trouble with this. A 14 y/o should NOT be dating - unless you plan to chaperone every date.

    Answer by Fawn80 at 11:32 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

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