Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

when talking to my 9 yr old step son about what he did wrong....

How long is to long? Because he doesnt have anything we can take from him to discipline him we tend to talk to him or sometimes yell when he does something real bad but mostly talk. My husband says 5 minutes is long enough and i say when i am done is when and that couod be 15-30 minute depends. So what do you all think? and any advice on discipline for him?


Asked by Mrs.Norris at 3:17 AM on Dec. 4, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 13 (1,094 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Well i say punishment depends on the crime, I also think that you and ur husband need to decide to work together on the discipline because kids can see much more than you give them credit for, if dad say 5 min. definitely do not argue that in front of ur step-son because his loyalties are gonna be with dad before you, are there other children in the house, do they get equal privileges and punishment? If ur step-son sees you and dad conflicting then he may start pitting u against each other, u need to sit down and work out a parenting plan and then always come together on what you will do on reward and punishment, that way ur ss will see you are working together, if u and dad disagree do not argue that in front of ss, discuss it quietly in another room where he can't hear then work together, good luck

    Answer by StressedOut107 at 12:38 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I think you and Dad need to figure it out together (though I personally agree that much more than their age, they tend to tune out... but that doesn't mean you can't revisit it later).


    Answer by terpmama at 11:32 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • From expenece yelling does not work it just make the situation worse. Try reasoning with him,if that don't work take away his privalages. No watching tv, not visiting friends, no allowances, no playing games, or no friends coming over to visit him. You need to be really specific about it cause they love to say you said one thing but not another.Try getting council from your preacher or a family member,someone that you trust and value their opioin.Getting council from a professinal stand point may be good also.

    Answer by mswhit44 at 11:45 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Shouldn't be longer than his age - they tune out. There is a great program "Strengthening Families" which may be available in your area. It teaches communication, appropriate consequences with the entire family. It is a six week program and I found it to be very good.

    Answer by tortkey at 5:35 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • as a bio mom i say that you let HIS FATHER deal with the issue.......and if he feels that five minutes is enough than its enough and you should back off from it.....

    Answer by cara124 at 11:05 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I'm wondering what the poor kid could possibly do that would take 30 minutes to talk about. When SD messes up it's basically 1) You did this, ___. 2) When you did that, this is how it made me feel/this is the impact it had on ___. 3) If I had been in that situation, I probably would have {insert better alternative here} 4) What do you want me to know about what happened and how YOU feel? and 5) What would you do differently? Five questions, 5 minutes..... sorry... I side with your DH.

    Answer by sarahtessa at 11:56 PM on Dec. 7, 2010

  • He acts like he is 5 so we have to talk slow and explain in detail for him to understand...also StressedOut you are right he already plays his dad against me and we argue alot over him. He will say one thing to me then i tell his dad what he says and my step son will say no he didnt say that and then i look like a lier and i cant stand liers...I dont know what to do...Thank you to everyone yes i know 30 min is way to long and i know the minute per age but sometimes its hard...

    Comment by Mrs.Norris (original poster) at 2:36 AM on Dec. 8, 2010