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How do you handle your child(ren) asking to live with the ex?

I've only been separated a short time (8 mo) so we don't have anything legal yet regarding custody.

My oldest (17) chose to stay with him, now my middle one (13) wants to live with him.

I'm not coping with it well. I want my kids with me but what if I really am the better parent?

I don't want an ugly battle, I want my kids to know we can do this and without the ugliness no matter how pissed off I am that their dad walked out after nearly 20 years.

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SoldMySoul

Asked by SoldMySoul at 3:50 AM on Dec. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • I don't really know, I can only share with you how it was for me. I hated my mum when I was a kid for not letting me live with my dad, after a bitter customary battle I finally got to live with him and didn't see mum for 5 years. Looking back I would change it all … I wish i'd stayed.
    I don't know if you and dad can talk? Work something out, is he living nearer, maybe your 13 year old could spend a little more time, not only in their eye have they not got their father but their sibling too, I have loads to say on this subject as its been pretty close to my heart for lot of years add me if you wanna chat more x
    Reia631

    Answer by Reia631 at 3:59 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I don't have kids old enough for that, so I can only tell you how my mom dealt with it.
    When I was 7 and told her I wanted to go live with my dad, she smacked me so hard I fell down and slid clear across the kitchen.
    When I was 13 and chose to go live with my dad, she dragged me back up the stairs by my ponytail.
    All in all, I don't think she dealt with it very well. I'm sure having your kids NOT choose you would be very difficult. Good luck and just try to be nice and understanding of whatever decisions they make.
    FluffyMamaBunny

    Answer by FluffyMamaBunny at 4:15 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • i believe at that age they are able (by the court) to choose one parent over the other ...... give them the space they need to see their dad as often as they can and if they choose to live with him let them know that your door is always open to return whenever then need to.......just becafeful to not let them play you against each other .....good luck
    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 11:00 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • If dad lives near enough you can do shared parenting then your 13 yr old can spend equal time with both parents, the courts don't care about why or how ur ex left they care about the best interest of the child as should the parents, the courts won't want to uproot the child from the schools or home they have always lived in, and its very hard to prove a parent unfit, another thing you can do since ur split is fairly fresh and probably confusing for your child is get them into some counseling, to show that you care about their mental well-being in dealing with it all, your child probably wants to go live wants to live with dad for several reasons, afraid of abandonment, because he left you, feeling he will be given less responsibility and discipline, whatever you do do not down talk the other parent to your child, remember they love dad, ur problems wasn't them. and let them know that you both love him or her.
    StressedOut107

    Answer by StressedOut107 at 12:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Do what is in the best interest of your child. Maybe you could let your child "try" it out for a few weeks, and then see how they feel about it then? But if it's just a situation of "no rules" at the NCP's house, then I would put your foot down.

    Do what's best for your child, even if it makes you the less popular parent - your child will thank you for it later.
    texassahm

    Answer by texassahm at 10:04 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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