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proper attire at a funeral

My grandma's funeral was yesterday afternoon. I wasn't too happy with what half the immediate family showed up wearing. There were quite a few that showed up in jeans and sweatshirts. The worst offender was my cousin Tammy. She wore a baggy old army jacket,ripped jeans,and 25 degree weather! I was always taught that as a sign of respect,you showed up in dark muted colors,and wore clothes that were respectful like semi dressy stuff.
I had no problem with the non-family folks because they most likely dropped by after work.
This funeral was not a casual thing. I feel they could have made an effort.


Asked by butterflyblue19 at 9:02 AM on Dec. 4, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • I was raised that you should show some respect at a funeral too. However... my own Grandmother's funeral, my feet were so swollen I couldn't wear my dress shoes and as embarrassed as I was, I did have to wear flip flops.
    I know my Grandma would have been glad I even showed up, and loved me no matter what I was wearing. But I was very embarrassed and did tell my family the reason for my flip flops (and of course they could see how huge my feet and ankles were).
    I did however wear a dress (dark but likely wrinkled because of the 4 hour drive that morning).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 4:10 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Yes, they probably could have showed their respect by dressing more appropriately, but the important thing is that they were there not what they were wearing. I'd let it go but that's just me.


    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:04 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • When my mom passed away, my cousin's teenage girls came to the funeral in shiny gold slacks and high-heeled boots. I swear they thought they were on their way to an audition for Destiny's Child! So rude! Other than that, I didn't really notice what anyone else was wearing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I think you can wear jeans and look presentable, I think it depends on the person and what they have.

    Answer by Bubbie0809 at 9:09 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • i agree with you. I was raised to wear respectable clothing at a funeral even if i was not immediate family. That was always the proper thing to do. i too am shocked at how some people come dressed to funerals and other gatherings

    Answer by soon2bmmy at 9:18 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • OP, were they young people? Or people who are old enough to know better but were never taught etiquette?

    Answer by vicesix at 9:13 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Oh gosh....that sounds awful. I wouldn't wear that out at all...not even to take the garbage out! LOL.
    I would wear a dress or a nice dressy pair of slacks and a blouse. NO FLIP FLOPS!!!
    Ugh. You have got to be kidding!

    Answer by kerp1960 at 7:13 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I was just imaging my grandma watching over us and clucking her tongue at them

    Comment by butterflyblue19 (original poster) at 9:06 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I just found it disrespectful that they couldn't put on their "Sunday best" to say goodbye to the lady

    Comment by butterflyblue19 (original poster) at 9:12 AM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I agree that what you described is not appropriate traditional funeral attire...however, I tend to not get hung up on what people are wearing and would probably just be impressed that they came to the funeral. A lot of times there is so much squabbling and other BS going on surrounding the death of a major figure in the family that what someone is wearing at the funeral shoud fall pretty far down on the list of concerns. You should have seen all the drama going on when my husband's grandmother passed away a couple of years ago. It was pathetic, and yes, some of it concerned clothing. I was disgusted that people would act this way.

    Answer by vicesix at 9:12 AM on Dec. 4, 2010