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Sep soon to be div mother with adult married kids having hard time with adj

Their father drank for 30+ years some of the kids hated him. Always had to get between them, now as adult kids hes the best thing since sliced bread! Oldest daughter loves-hates him? what to do?

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mimePat

Asked by mimePat at 10:27 AM on Nov. 6, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (7)
  • Im not sure I understand the question.Kids hated him growing up he was a drunk.Now they love hate him.How old are the kids,an are you not married to him any more?
    fearful5

    Answer by fearful5 at 10:56 AM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • It sounds as if it's time that you started taking care of you and not worrying about anyone else. The kids are grown and can make their own decisions. Your daughter has the right to feel any way she wants about her father - it doesn't matter what he was like - he is still her father. Any attempt at trying to come between your children and their father will only back fire on you.
    The thing to do is allow your children to have any type of relationship with their father that they feel comfortable with. Move on with your own life. You're holding onto a lot of resentment and it will only hurt you.
    PrttyMstng

    Answer by PrttyMstng at 9:05 PM on Nov. 6, 2008

  • Let them work it out on their own. My x was an abuser. My kids are just now (in their 30's) getting to really know him and find out on their own he's a jerk. It's their issue. They have to work it out. Just be there for them when reality sinks in. They will be fine.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:54 AM on Nov. 7, 2008

  • Whatever you do, don't put him down to them. Let them figure everything out all by themself. That way, whatever happens, its not you that did it.If he isn't drinking now, thats a good thing, right? Just go with the flow and be there if they need you.
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 8:43 AM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • Live Girl Live! Don't worry about about the grown children or the gone man! Let bygones be gone on about their business!
    QueenAdeela

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 9:11 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • You can't make their decisions for them anymore, all you can do is be there for him when they figure out what kind of person he really is and put it together for themselves. I stole the "You can't make their decisions for them" from a pastor I used to work with...we worked 12 hour shifts together and talked A LOT about my sister who was in an abusive marriage...she told me all the time that I couldn't make her decisions for her and I just had to be there for her when she was ready...it took a LONG time to sink in for me, and it has so many uses in life.
    kabbot01

    Answer by kabbot01 at 9:29 AM on Nov. 9, 2008

  • Try to see it from their perspective. You and he are their parents. Even though he drank, they still found security in the fact that the two of you were together. And now you are not together. There is a little child who lives within each of us. The little child inside your children are mourning the break-up of their parents, much like an 8-year old would. Give them some time. They may change their attitudes.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:28 AM on Nov. 11, 2008

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