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Pls no Bashing, I cant take that right now...not really a question I think...Kind of long

I am so lost. I was planning on getting back together with my son's father but everything just got so out of hand and I made some really, really bad decisions. He lives in San Diego and I live in Yuma. Well he left when I was 22 weeks pregnant for a lot of reasons that I wont go into well when I was about 34 weeks I went up there for my baby shower and we started talking about getting back together after Chris was born so me and Chris could move up there. Well while I was still in Yuma, I was dating this amazing guy, well when Chris was being born they both were in the hospital and my son's father found out I was dating this other dude and said I was cheating and all kinds of things. That just made everything worse. Well he left the day after Chris was born with only seeing him once and not talking to me at all. At first things were really bad but now we are talking and like mature adults and all. But I still love him and think of him daily and regret what I did so bad. I really wish I could take it back but I know I can't. And to make all this worse I just found out that he was going to ask me to marry him when he got down here, he had a ring and everything. I am just lost on what to do or even what to think right now....

 
LiLJeni

Asked by LiLJeni at 2:48 PM on Dec. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 30 (44,491 Credits)
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Answers (11)
  • Ok people still bashing even though you admitted your mistakes. they are mean. I think the only thing you can do is give it time and show him that your never going to do that again, and see if he is truly committed as well. I believe in love and forgiveness and second chances so I hope it works out for you guys. AND I don't think you are immature, it's very mature to say "I made a mistake". Congrats on your baby boy:)
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 7:31 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • How can it be cheating when they don't even live in the same town and he's not being a real relationship with her? He just wanted her sitting there having his child and doing nothing with her life. That's just crazy. She needs people around her who care and if the new guy cared then good for her. It's not cheating. They were not even married or living together. Single people date people. It's as simple as that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Sounds like neither of you were fully committed to each other and I really feel sad for your child it was that way. You have a right to be mad at him and he at you. If you loved each other he wouldn't have left and you wouldn't have moved on. You should both try to be excellent parents to your child and put romance with anyone on the back burner until you both can get your sh*t together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Just go with your heart...go talk with him!
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 2:50 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I'm kind of lost to be honest. Were you two official together when you lived in Yuma? If so then yes you did cheat and they only way thing you can do is ask for forgiveness. Talk to him face to face and ask him what you need to do to gain his trust back and what you two need to do to be a couple again.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 2:51 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • You didn't make a bad decision. He forced you to make other arrangements to get attention and to feel cared for. He should have been there from the get-go and stuck by you. Don't feel guilty for finding someone to be there for you when he wouldn't be. If you want to get up with him again then call him and tell him if he wants to try it again then do it. If not, then move on. There are more people in the world than just him. Just make sure you get CS for the child
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:52 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Sounds kind of tough. He did leave in the first place, while you were pregnant. But lots of people make mistakes, if you read through here you will see it. And it doesn't make people bad people. As long as you learn from it is the point.
    But if you apologize and explain how you felt being left while pregnant, then maybe he'll understand you were scared without him?, if that was the case.
    tryin2BGOOD

    Answer by tryin2BGOOD at 2:53 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • The only thing you can do is to tell him how you feel and hope that the two of you can work it out.
    When you were "talking about getting back together after the baby was born", did he know you were seeing someone else? If he had planned to ask you to marry him, I'm assuming there were phone calls, visits etc during this time... one visit doesn't sound like it would be enough for someone to want to marry you with nothing else.
    He should have been there with and for you while you were pregnant, not wait till after the baby was born... he missed out on some awesome times he can never get back during the pregnancy.
    You were likely veyr lucky to have found a great guy who shared part of your pregnancy with you, was there at the hospital etc... HE sounds like he was the better catch to me. The ex donated his sperm and hauled butt and wanted to come back AFTER all of that was over... sorry but that wouldn't have worked for me.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Talking like mature adults and all? Bwaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing about this was handled like mature adults. If it was, you wouldn't be in this predicament!

    First, you're pregnant - by your "boyfriend", and you're clearly not commited to each other, you broke up during the pregnancy. 
    Then, also during the pregnancy, you're dating this other guy.
    And then, you decide to get back with the boyfriend.  Who finds out that you've been with this other guy while you're pregnant with his kid.  And break up again.

    You "still love him"?  You haven't even figured out what that means yet!  This isn't jr. high school, you're about to be a parent!          Grow up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • If you told him you wanted to get back together and knew you were still seeing this other guy then I can see why he would be hurt. People make a lot of knee jerk decisions when an unplanned pregnancy happens. All you can do at this point is parent your child together. If you are meant to be then it will happen on it's own. Rushing into anything isn't a good idea for any of you at the moment. A new baby is hard enough.
    Liansmommie

    Answer by Liansmommie at 3:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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