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2 Bumps

Re-worded!!! "I can't stand my own child"

Okay, some people called me a few names and said I was a troll. Well I'm not any of those things!! Thank you! We go to church, we help others, I love my kids, I have a good Husband and I have sacrificed A LOT for my family. I will put this question a little nicer since apparently I cannot call children dorks! Here it goes:
My in-laws own a in-home daycare, they live 3.5 hours away and my 2 young children go there about once a month for a week. The reason we let them go is b/c they take them a lot of places we can't take them, they do a lot with them and the kids adore them. The problem? The kids at their in-home daycare are not the brightest kids.... One of the 4 year olds can barely talk right and is hardly potty trained- his Mom's fault. The others a mean and don't share etc, some just talk like a cartoon character all the time and run around like a crazy child.... So, my smart 4 year old come shome talking silly ( I said dork before!), he talks like a baby, talks about things that don't make sense and acts like kiu (dont know how to spell it, but that cartoon that is stupid sounding). Aside from that, he is ungrateful and spoiled. We try our harded to not let this happen and do a good job I think but apparently not good enough. He always wants something else and is just never happy with what he does get. His grandparents will let him have whatever he wants, whenever he wants. The big problem is his CONSTANT whining.... I can't stand it!!! I love him but I just can't stand this attitude, this spoiled behavior, this whining..... I have a 2 year old and love her, it's not fair I know. I think I take it easy on her because she is a little girl and we lost a little girl b4 she was born. I feel like my son should be a bit tougher, his sister can beat him up even though I stop it! They get along about 60/40. Anyways, I don't knwo what to do anymore. I feel bad but I just can't stand him sometimes..... Any suggestions? You can bash me but I feel bad enough, I obviously don't want to feel this way. I don't know if I should see a counselor. Maybe it has to do wiht losing our first daughter and our son being okay with her not okay? I don't know..... Any advice would be appreciated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Dec. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Maybe but I dont think it's all me. What about the behavior issues?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:18 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • First of all, you aren't a bad parent if you realize the problem. However, if your son acts this way after being with the other children at your MIL house then I would not send him there while the other children are there. Also, I have 3 children, a boy and 2 girls. I m/c after my son was born 3 times and new that my last m/c was a girl. I do not treat my girls differently or love them more, but I can see how this could happen. Keep in mind that each child will not behave the same and just because he isn't tough enough now doesn't mean that he won't be. My son was always very emotional when he was younger and it kind of drove me crazy too but he is 9 now and has come out of that habit. It is up to you and your husband to teach him that he cannot get everything that he wants and let him melt down over. Good luck and the cartoon is Caillou and I AGREE! Whiney little bald brat! LOL! Good Luck!
    ditchen4

    Answer by ditchen4 at 5:20 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Yeah I call troll in the real world these are special needs children whateverr you are trying to ask is getting lost in your judgement of the other children saying they talk like cartoon characters do you know thats what a lot of children do my children did this and they both have an iq of 140 they are children they play maybe not the way you want but its play to them. Wow maybe you should find another daycare where the children do not seem less intelligent or are four going on forty.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 5:21 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Ditchen- thank you for real advice!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:22 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • He's learning how to manipulate you. I'm sure he knows that the whining will get him things one way or another, or just get him attention period, whether it's bad or good. Maybe stick to a strict schedule, give him chores, make him feel needed, and useful. I have found with our middle son, he gets himself into trouble if he's left to his own divices. He's better if I give him little things all day to do. Like help me dust, clean up, organize the plastics cabinet, that kind of thing. He is 8 yrs old so it's a little easier to get him to help out, but at 4 I just gave him age appropriate things to do and he was happy. Boys have a TON of energy, and need to burn it off daily, so sit down and make a list of things for him to do everyday, and make him a part of it, and he will be better for it. GL... (I'm a Mom of 3 boys, and I've called them dorks myself, don't stress over what others say,lol)
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 5:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • pinkdragon- OKAY! Whatever! The kids are NOT special needs kids so get oever it, that is not what I'm talking about obviously!!! I'm not making fun of special needs kids, if they were then that would be different!!!!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:24 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • It might be a great idea to see a counselor to help yourself with this. You want to make sure you have dealt with losing your other child so both of these children get the best parenting you have to offer. GL
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 5:27 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • i say do whatever you feel is nessasary other than treat him like an outcast maybe take him to be seen .
    nevaehmarie11

    Answer by nevaehmarie11 at 6:03 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I think you have some scarring from losing your first girl, and frankly who wouldn't. However I wonder if he is acting this way to try to get your attention, children have very good radar when they are not getting their share of attention or love in a family. Not criticizing you, just pointing out something that might be happening. Your son is not strong to you, but maybe he is strong in other ways that you have yet to discover. I think you are really selling him short here, and I am sure there is a reason. I would recommend you take these valid questions you have to a counselor and get a professional answer. I also think that your relationship with your son is highly at risk and could result in bigger problems down the road. It can't all be the fault of the daycare. The best quote comes from the book "Kite Runner"....Children are not like coloring books where you get to color the page the way you like. Best Wishes!
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 6:07 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Talking to a counselor might be a good idea- losing a child is obviously going to be really painful and parenting is hard under the best of circumstances. I have three kids- 8, 6, and almost 4. They are all generally good kids- get along well, doing well in school, etc. I've got no major complaints. However, I'm gonna fill you in on something: sometimes they talk silly. Or make little to no sense. Or are annoying. Or are ungrateful. Or have an 'I want' list a mile long. In all honestly, it sounds like your kid is acting like a kid. Nothing you've said sounds outside the realm of normal. I know for me I had high expectations for my oldest- they were probably not age appropriate and I spent a lot of time being frustrated over behaviour that was not really a big deal. I regret that now. I think working through some of your own feelings and refocusing on the positives may help both of you.
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 6:26 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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