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What kind of relationship would you have if your husband....

kept a secret from you. What if your husband or SO had cheated on you and you guys separated but then got back together because he told you he stopped cheating with this other person and you believe him, so you moved back in together but he really didnt and is still cheating on you. A year or two later he stops altogether, he's a better man and no longer doing selfish things, but he never told you, about the continuous infidelity he had committed when you first got back with him. The reason he didn't tell you is because he didnt want to lose his relationship with you and telling you can risk that. Would keeping such a secret have negative effects on your long term relationship on not because you never knew?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:55 PM on Dec. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • how would you know if you never knew! I do not think I would go back after the first time!
    jem102675

    Answer by jem102675 at 8:56 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Of course there would be trust issues. The only way to work through trust issues is through time and commitment.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 8:57 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I would have left him the first time. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Life is too short to hope he will change. I would rather be alone then always wondering if he was out humiliating me again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • No, I wouldn't go back..... I have lived long enough to know that my heart is worth so much more than that. I am willing to work through problems in my marriage, but if he cheated once, he wouldn't ever have the chance to cheat again because I would be long gone...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:00 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • I know but what if you went back already, would keeping such a secret cause poblems in your relationship.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:01 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • You have to be able to trust him to be happy with him. And obviously he isn't trust worthy.What else did he lie about that you didn't know about?
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 9:03 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • There would definitely be trust issues for a long time to follow once I found out he was still doing it when I thought he was being faithful. Mentally, I would have to use our kids as motivation to stay in the relationship (assuming he is still a good and devoted father and our girls are better off with him playing a very active role in their daily lives). As for him, by cheating he really disrespected me and would have to spend a long time putting me first and prove to me he is invested in me and our family. I think this is how I would feel. I haven't been in this position though so it is hard to say. I also think if we separated and he acted single, there would be no way he would be getting me back. So it depends how far back (chronologically and emotionally) that bridge was unknowingly crossed.
    katie23

    Answer by katie23 at 9:12 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Well this at the point in which you find out. So I would have to say I don't know if I can trust you again. Really. Even if he is a better person now if he can keep that secret then he can do it again. I value my self more than to deal or live with a man who is not upstanding.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 9:22 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • That is why I don't do do-overs! If he cheated he will cheat!
    MamaAlice54

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 9:35 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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