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How do I be nice to my husband?

I asked the question last night about my marriage being in a rut. 2 very nice women gave me advice on books to read. Those books won't get here until next week and i am still furious. Mostly because of sleep. My husband has fed our 2nd son 3 times at night in his 11 weeks of life. He wakes up at 6, works until 4. Sits on the couch and drinks beer until 7:30-8 and then goes to bed. I'm so sick of it i feel like screaming and i'm totally going to snap unless one of you gives me some ideas on how to express myself in a calm unoffensive way. I want him to start taking care of his own kids without me asking. I want him to spend time with his kids (he wants 12 kids....it's not like I forced him to have them). I want him to take the baby at night without me asking and not pout about it. I want to have a partner. How do i say this without a long conversation and without yelling? Tomorrow is football day so I have to say what I want to say during a commercial break. Which is why I think I may just end up yelling and throwing something at him.

 
sunshine58103

Asked by sunshine58103 at 11:04 PM on Dec. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,585 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Proper-Care-and-Feeding-of-Husbands/Laura-Schlessinger/e/9780060520625/
    Here is another book to check out.

    At this point I would not talk with him on Football day. You are ready to make a change, but he is not, probrabbly not even aware change should happen. If you change status quo when his direction is on football you will get no where.

    I generally wouldn't tell him you are going to change things. Do it and he will react. The Love Dare actually states not to tell him. Besides if you talk with him, no matter what you say, at this point he is going to hear he is wrong and you want him to change, he is the reason things suck in your marriage and he needs to fix it. That is what he will hear and it will put him on the defensive.

    You change you. Change your thoughts, actions and reactions. That will change those around you.

    Good luck!
    mom2queenie2004

    Answer by mom2queenie2004 at 8:10 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I could understand why but just remember if you want to be affective yelling isn't going to work. Rememeber everytime you yell you're wasting your breath. Choose days you'll get up like maybe Monday, Wed, Friday and Sunday and he gets Tues, Thurs and Sat.
    Jenaiko01

    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 11:09 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • The only way to do this is in a calm manner. Sit down with hubby (not during a commercial) and BOTH of you write down or discuss what you want to change. You can list what you wrote here and he can list what he thinks needs to change. Then talk about it. There maybe something on your list that he can't change (like dirty diapers, lol) and there may be something on his list that you are not willing or can't change (or the expectations are too high or unreasonable). Once you talk about it, then both of you try to do your best. Good Luck!

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:09 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • write him a letter .. you will get it all out and he cant yell at a paper lol
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 11:11 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Do you work?
    Huntersmom209

    Answer by Huntersmom209 at 11:12 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Yes, but only part-time
    sunshine58103

    Comment by sunshine58103 (original poster) at 11:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • The thing about work also is that i have an interview on Monday for a full-time position with enough pay to make money with both kids in daycare and possibly good health insurance. i know it will be that much harder if he "just can't" help me out.
    sunshine58103

    Comment by sunshine58103 (original poster) at 11:28 PM on Dec. 4, 2010