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Is it wrong?

Here's the scoop -

My husband has a four year old from a previous relationship. We have joint custody and a visitation schedule that was set up by a judge when we went to court when my stepdaughter was 2 1/2. The judge ordered that her mother gets her every Christmas Eve into Christmas morning until 10am and my husband is supposed to have the child every Christmas morning starting at 10am. We did not get her last Christmas AT ALL because of bad road conditions, so this is the first year we would exercise our Christmas visitation. We suggested to her mother that we wait to pick her up until 1:00pm so that way she has time to play with the toys that she opened that morning before having to get in the car for a 4 hr car ride. Now Christmas is still 20 days away but we suggested this 2 weeks ago and she never has even acknowledged our suggestion although she has known about it. His daughter told us that "Mommy is working on Christmas Eve so Grandma is going to take me on a train to see Santa" so her mother isn't even spending her holiday time with her. As our families, like all other families, are putting plans in stone these last two weeks before Christmas, we are needing to know an answer now. So we waiting until this evening and told her mother that since she hadn't responded to us about Christmas we were going to follow the court order and pick up his daughter at 10am like we are supposed to instead of 1pm like we suggested.

I cant help but feel sorry about it all but if a judge ordered it and the mother really WANTED extra time with her only child on Christmas wouldn't she have agreed to it right away? Were we being too nice even suggesting she have a little more time since there is court order? What would you have done?

Answer Question

Asked by NessGuinness at 11:14 PM on Dec. 4, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 10 (414 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Oh wow, I think you did the right thing. That Mom is clearly preoccupied. : (

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 11:17 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Myabe she was busy ? ... Instead of just saying " we are doing what the court said now" .. cant you just call her up and say " We really need to know because we are finalizing our Christmas plans"

    Answer by 2lilbumblebees at 11:17 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • It is actually a very sticky situation....a no contact order has recently been lifted that had my husband as the protected party because she assaulted him in front of the child back in August. Communication is very difficult with her and it has been suggested by attorneys and judges that all communication go through written form rather than verbal or face to face. The original proposal was given in an email in which she responded to but did not mention our suggestion.

    Comment by NessGuinness (original poster) at 11:23 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Have you even spoken or attempted to speak with her mother about the situation? It may very well be a situation where she was told by her boss that she needs to work that day or lose her job, and that is a tough situation for a single mom to be put in. Don't get me wrong though, you were absolutely being generous with your original offer especially considering what was mandated by the judge!!! I suppose this is something you all need to work out together.

    Answer by truthteller0722 at 11:24 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

  • Did the mother seem upset by you picking her up at 10am. I would have thought the way you wrote it that you told her that you were going to pick her up at 1pm and it did not require a response. Did your written notification request a response? When there is not easy conversation implications are not always understood.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 11:25 PM on Dec. 4, 2010

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