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How to cope with son's deployment?

I am so upset. I just found out my son is being deployed to Iraq next month. I haven't been able to see him since his last leave, last Dec. I am so sad. I am losing my home and can't afford to fly out or drive out and see him before he goes. Any support would help me. Thanks.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:21 AM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • – collapse
    Get thee back to reality.

    You're currently living in a non-existent, fantasy future. As you have noticed, it's not filled with joy and fun.

    Do you have time with your son --live, over the phone, by skype or MSN? Do you enjoy it, or are you finding yourself slipping into your horror film in your head?

    What are you doing, right now? Sitting? Standing? Lying down? Is something horrible happening to you right now?

    Because if it's not, you are volunteering to make yourself miserable. Right now. Is that going to help anyone?

    If the worst happens, will you be thrilled to look back on the last moments, months or years you had with your son and remember your misery and obsession with something that wasn't happening? Because children die without going overseas, without serving in the military... and you're living right now 'as if' he already did.

    Answer by LindaClement at 3:15 AM on Dec. 5, 2010 (hidden) + expand

  • I can't say that I appreciate the way the last person put anything but anyways..... It is normal to be upset. I am in the same boat my brother is leave for Afghanistan in a while and will be gone for at least a year. Does that makes me sad that i don't get to see him before he left of course I haven't seen him in a year and it will be at least another year before I get to see him again. And of course you are not signing his death warrant but should you be a little more worried that he is over there and not in the states of course that is only natural. It seems that you are going through some difficult times in your life that is only making the whole situation worse.
    When my brother was in Iraq I actually got to talk to him ALL of the time. Of course that is not always going to be the case but you should get communications, which help immensely. Keep yourself busy!! Very busy, surround yourself with people and the ...

    Answer by Melbornj at 7:52 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • time will go by fast. I was in the Navy, my husband has been in the Navy for 9 years and my brother is a Marine. We should be old pros at separations but it does not really get any easier. During every deployment or underway you go through the same processes. Panic, sadness, anger. I don't think that you are living in any type of other than reality world, you are much in the realities of our world right now. Hang in there. Keep you chin up. Remember smiling is contagious even to yourself. Smile on the outside and you will start to feel it on the inside.

    Answer by Melbornj at 7:57 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Find some other moms of our kids who are in the military and have yourself a little support group. There's probably one on CM.
    Ask your son for contacts at his base now....surely other families are feeling the same way. Even though you aren't close to his base, there should be support available to you.

    Volunteer at your local other people's children the way you hope someone is helping yours.
    My understanding is that there is more communication back and forth from our military and their families than there used to be.

    A Marine in dress uniform showed up at my work the other day. (A PreK/daycare). My first thought was "toys for tots" my second was "he looks like a toy soldier himself" and it turned out he was visiting his mom who works there...surprising her....he had graduated just before Thanksgiving and she had gone to the base, but he didn't tell her he would be home the following week.


    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:02 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • PS, friend me if you'd like. :)

    Answer by kjrn79 at 8:03 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • @LindaClement-
    I asked for support, not a lecture.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:40 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • My oldest son was in the Army for 5 years and spent 15 mos. in Iraq from 11/07-2/09. It was a long 15 mos., I am not even going to lie. He called less than 15 times while he was deployed because he wasn't able to get to a phone and we didn't have Skype then. I also didn't have much in the way of online support. My 20yo is now in the Army and I have ana amaing amount of support through Facebook. Facebook has a HUGE community of those with children in the military. If you are on FB I would suggest joining groups that will connect you with others who have children in the military. Do a search for these groups: MOS= Mom's of Soldiers, Army Moms, Proud Army Mom & Support for Parents of Soldiers. Surround yourself with others who know how you feel, who are there for you. ((((HUGS))))))

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • BTW, the groups I posted are not just for moms of those in the Army even though some have that title. All with loved ones in the military are welcome (parents, wives, grandparents, siblings,etc.).

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Find a support group here on Cafemom.
    Figure out what he can get in care packages and get the address where they need to be sent. Sunblock is a necessity. Budget yourself some extra for care packages. Figure out how to skype him.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 5:13 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I'm sorry for your predicament. I'm sure it's hard. Will he get time off before he goes? Can he come see you? I'd make sure to cal him as much as possible and send emails. You should check out skype if you have internet. I'm sorry you can't go see him. I'm sure losing your house is stressful enough but this on top of it must be a challenge. I'm sure you will push on through though, you sound like a strong woman who just needs to talk.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 8:05 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

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