Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Was I wrong to tell my mom the truth?

my mother and I have been arguing for months now. I'm 20 and my boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months. When we first started, I didn't want to tell her because I knew she is strict and would not let me. However, I didn't want to hide from her because I wanted her approval and let me go out with him. So I decided to start slow and just tell her that I like someone and hopes she is okay with it. Out of nowhere, she would say no and we started arguing over it. I felt unfair, frustrated, stressed, and mad. I'm 20 not a 16yrs old girl why would she forbid me from dating someone. I know she is scared that I will quit school and get sidetracked that's why I told her I promise I wont b/c school is still my top priority. Either way, we are going out and I still continue on w/ my daily life (school, work, study). the only thing now is I go out on the weekend and spend time w/ him after i finish my study yet she forbid me


Asked by kimngo at 2:58 AM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (6 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • I don't know what help I can give you other than to say your Mom should be proud of you! You sound like a very together young woman. While you are living with her, it is going to be hard to not go by her rules. Make sure she knows you respect her advice and mothering, but I'd have to tell her that everyone needs a break some time! Although I do think you'll appreciate her strictness when you are out of her house. She wants the best for you, even if she doesn't go about it in the best way. You were right to tell her the truth. I don't really know what else to say except to deal with her as respectfully as possible when talking about what you want out of life.

    Answer by Mrs.B3 at 2:49 AM on Dec. 24, 2010

  • You're an adult, which means that you can make your own choices. But if you are living with your mom and/or she is helping you with school you really need to keep the peace. Either try to talk it out with her or you may have to just obey your mothers wishes for now. And if he is a really good guy he would respect your mother and her wishes as well, I learned that the hard way. He should also meet her and have a talk with her himself, if y'all continue your relationship or if y'all take a break but he would like to see you again later, he might need to when over mom first.

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 3:37 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • No, you were not wrong, you have a life to live.

    Answer by older at 8:01 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • If you aren't pregnant, ttc or a mother you need to leave the site. This is a site for mothers. Not for daughters to bitch about thier moms

    Answer by clovismommy25 at 5:56 PM on Dec. 23, 2010

  • I don't know what your background is, but in some cultures it is completely normal for the parents to completely forbid dating until school is over. In some cultures you are not allowed to really choose to date, but that being said, if she is just being strict and you really like this guy I suggest you have a sit down, in a public place, like starbucks, so there won't be any crazy yelling or fighting or anything, and ask her why. Find out her reasons.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:02 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • You're over the age of 18. Do what you want. It's easier when you aren't living under her roof. Do you have a child with this guy?

    Answer by _Tam_ at 3:04 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Maybe she thinks your gonna get pregnant and lose everything you have going for you right now and even though your 20 your still her baby no matter how old you are she cares about your decisions in life and she doesnt want you to make the wrong decisions cus you have a boyfriend it will take some time for her to get used to you having a boyfriend but let me tell you this im pretty sure she aint gonna like him when she finally gets to meet him .Good Luck i hope things get better between you and your mom im pretty sure yall had a awesome relationship before you had a boyfriend .

    Answer by alexia_09 at 3:07 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I'm Vietnamese and I understand our culture is strict about it but we're in America and she can't just hang on with this kind of culture especially when i'm 20, not 16 or something. I feel like she's just overprotected because of what happened to my brother and what he did and all that i'm the only girl in the family. for the past 18 19yrs, I've been doing everything she's told me to do, live up to her expectation, go and help w. her business while trying to study there, do chores at home, get good grades, and all that crap that she expected me to do. I've been holding it in because despite what I tell her how I feel, she would not listen. My life is constantly spinning in a circle b/c of school, work, volunteer, study. Yet all I need is to just go out over the weekend at night and hang out with my friends and my bf. yet she would still complain. Like this week, I have been going to school from Monday to Thursday and then work

    Comment by kimngo (original poster) at 3:14 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I dont' get home until 10. I've been working 40hrs this week while going to school full time. Next week is final and she knows it yet today she would make me go to the store and help out for half of the day. I haven't touched any of my study the entire week because I don't have time and I'm exhausted after work. So I did go and I was very annoyed about going up tto the store when I should be focused in studying for my final. I complained to her but still went anyways because she needed me anyways. That was fine with me. I'm glad I was able to help her but before I left she forbid me from going out tonight. I was so mad, I felt like she's locking me up in the house and all i can do is go to school work and volunteer. Nothing else. I hate how she is controlling me. I'm 20, she need to believe in me and let me do my thing. I know my responsibility and and after i got hoome, i studied 5 hrs straight for my anatomy exam.

    Comment by kimngo (original poster) at 3:23 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I was brainfried by the time I finished and just want to go out with my bf and relax a little. We haven't spend time with each other for more than a week because I''ve been bz w. school and work so I just want to go out and relax my head and spend time with him. She clearly see that i've been working full time this week and haven't had a minute to breath and get a life. yet she would forbid me from going out. She kept saying not to be in a relationship because then everything is ruin. What the hell! She's the one that's ruining everything!!! I could barely focus on my study because of the way she treated me and controlled me! I don't get why she can't understand and let me do what I want to do. I don't know if it's too much but sometimes I just don't want to see her and move out so I can start experiencing life and doing what I need to do. About my bf, if she wont let me experience it, how will i know who is the right one?

    Comment by kimngo (original poster) at 3:32 AM on Dec. 5, 2010