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My husband is also watching fetish porn in addition to talking to his ex-girlfriend.

My husband has been watching porn. I have caught it couple of times in the last 4 years. We have been married for 20 years with the exception of one year when we were separated. We got back together after he had an affair with a woman for 6 months.

This has been extremely hard to overcome especially since he has indicated to me several times that he is back only for the kids. He seems to be still in love with her although we have been living as any regular couple. He has told me several times that he loves me. When I confronted him recently when I accidently caught him communicating again and sending our teenage boys pictures to her, he said at first that he has no relationship with me and we do not have a marriage. We also have been having sex regularly. Now he says everything is fine and does not want to leave. I have spyware on the computer now and am watching his cell phone online. He has not contacted her in the last 3 days, but is now watching porn. He regularly travels. I am very uncomfortable. My son is in the middle of college apps. I asked him to write her a email to tell her that he has no intention of leaving his wife and kids and is happy with us and send me a copy. I don"t think he is interested in doing this. Is there anything left in my marriage to salvage?? Why do I feel that I love him and cannot let go of him after all this? My girlfriends think I should see a lawyer right away. Is this addiction to porn and women curable?? How?

 

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inlimbo20

Asked by inlimbo20 at 9:13 AM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • What is your question?
    older

    Answer by older at 9:15 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Your seperated and your on your way to being rid of a bad relationship. Let him do what he does and you worry about getting your life straight without him.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:17 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • "Is there anything left in my marriage to salvage??" --- It doesn't sound like it.

    " Why do I feel that I love him and cannot let go of him after all this? My girlfriends think I should see a lawyer right away. "--I agree with your friends.

    "Is this addiction to porn and women curable?? " --Probably not, especially if he's not committed to comletely changing his addictions and his life. From the information you have posted here, my instinct is to tell you to move on with your life. I could not tolerate what you've described here.
    vicesix

    Answer by vicesix at 9:36 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • He did it to you once, and now he's doing it again. He's proven that he does not value your vows & is not showing respect for you as a person, his wife or the mother of his children. I think you need to talk to a lawyer & a counselor. And get counseling for the kids too. It is always painful when there is an end to a relationship, whether by divorce or death. But you will be able to get thru this. Good luck to you & your children.
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:37 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I don''t understand why you want to be with someone that can't be committed to you completely. You are only given one chance with life. You deserve to be Happy in it.........I think it is way past gone. I do not think counseling will help. If he has said he is only in it for the kids, then be prepared for him to leave once the youngest is off to college. Get a Lawyer!!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 9:45 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • He came back for the kids, not for you. I'd leave, both of you are unhappy. It doesn't sound like a "porn addiction," sounds like he misses his GF.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:49 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Talk to her and see if they are serious or if she's just his moral support/friend. If he is staying until the kids go to college you need to be prepared.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:25 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • sarcasmI wouldn't worry about the porn, but I would be concerned about the other woman.  I would start using condoms if you are not already.  Take care.

    sexyfancyface

    Answer by sexyfancyface at 12:54 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I really didn't see a question.

    However, I will share something with you. And yes I am a woman who has been through infidelity.

    1) Based on what you have shared, his relationship with the other woman is not over. There's is no rebuilding a marriage while the outside relationship is still going on.
    2) He has stated that he loves her and that your marriage is over, and he is only there because of the children. If he is still contacting her, this is most likely the truth. He is not really "there", not with you, not in your marriage.
    3) Porn would be far less a concern to me than him still being in love with another woman and flat out telling me that we have no marriage and he is only there for there for the kids.

    You must handle your marriage however you feel is best for you. However, look at this situation honestly, give it a cold hard honest look. Do you guys really have a marriage at this point?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:36 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • well the whole porn watching thing is normal for guys but im with you. i wouldnt like for my husband to do it. i mean if they are getting what they need at home then they dont need porn. my husband watched it a couple of times when we first got together but has not done it since. but that was when he was on deployment which was kinda understandable but i still didnt like it. but the whole thing with him having an affair for 6 months would not cut it with me. even for a week. i would probably forgive him but there would be major trust issues. then again i would probably get a divorce. it would depend on the situation. but everybody is different. try to talk to him and tell him if he doesnt change and quit doing what hes been doing, that your leaving and wont be back. then see how is his reaction is to that.
    joesgrl09

    Answer by joesgrl09 at 4:59 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

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