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How to help grieving?

My mom passed away this July and no one has grieved. We've been too busy. But it is starting to take a toll on the whole family. There are attitudes from kids, lots of fighting. It is because emotions are building up. How do we grieve and how do I help my 6 and 4 year olds?

 
krissyvelazquez

Asked by krissyvelazquez at 9:45 AM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (8,028 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Grieving is internal, emotions and feelings. Mourning is external, actively doing something to process the loss. To facilitate mourning, talk about the person who has died. Share memories. Do something in their honor. Make them a part of your life. (It's not uncommon for my girls to say "I miss Daddy" or "Remember when Daddy did ..." at the dinner table or on a car ride). Make memory books together, one for each child to keep. Plant a tree - it's great to see something living, "Grandma's tree". This time of year, have the children buy a special ornament to hang on the tree every year, in memory of their loved one. It's about making death an acceptable topic, about making tears "ok", about sharing the experience and gaining strength from others.
    All of these ideas (and many more) are from my Widows support group here on the cafe - the group owner is an LLPC with a specialty in bereavement counseling.
    caseyandkids

    Answer by caseyandkids at 9:53 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Even if your mom was not a hospice patient, your local hospice offers free grief counseling for all ages. They are even having special classes right now on how to deal w/ the holidays. Hope that helps. *hugs
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 9:48 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • You're right, attitudes build up and kids fight when they haven't processed their emotions over the loss. And as the adult, it's up to you to teach them how to deal with death and grief and loss in a healthy way. I'm Gianna, I'm another member of The Widows Club, my husband died in April and I'm now parenting my 4 kids alone. Casey's offered you some great suggestions. It is so important not to just move past the death without incorporating it into your current life. It's fine to say "I miss my mom". It's fine to say "hey, I've got a great idea - today we're going to bake cookies together, the way grandma and I used to do every christmas" and spend that baking time telling stories and talking about when you were little and in the kitchen with your mom. The more you talk about this, the more they will - eventually. After they learn that it's ok to do that.
    Gaccck

    Answer by Gaccck at 10:02 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • No one can really tell you how to grieve as everyone does it in their own way, but maybe you could have some sort of memorial for her. As for the kids, maybe they need more of an understanding of how death works.


     There are several books on the subject. I have heard this is a good one http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Water-Bugs-and-Dragonflies/Doris-Stickney/e/9780829816242/pwb=1&#TABS


    As is this one http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Whats-Heaven/Maria-Shriver/e/9780312382414/?itm=5&USRI=maria+shriver+book


    I am sorry for your loss. 

    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:52 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I am so sorry to hear that. Its a hard time for you and your family. Sometimes you just have to let it all out, theres no other way. Even if it means crying for days. When my friend was murdered I cried for a whole week basically non stop. After that week it sunk in me that she wasnt around anymore. I was still sad and I still am and sometimes even after so long I get tears in my eyes.
    Talk to your kids and let them know its okay to be sad and cry. Maybe since you all didnt have time to grieve thats what they need.
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 9:50 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • talk about how the death is making you feel. They are little kids and don't know how to express themselves. Teach them by example
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:22 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Lead by example mom.
    Malapertinent

    Answer by Malapertinent at 11:16 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • What do you mean, no one has grieved? You can't define how someone else feels a loss. It's not like "in order to grieve, you must do A, B, and C." Could you rephrase the question in a way that makes sense?
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 9:48 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

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