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Would you refuse a baby shower?

My daughter (16) wanted to throw a baby shower for her cousin (17) so that she could have one with her friends and family. The cousin has had one with her mom (she now lives with her dad and step mom) but none of her friends or family on her dad's side were allowed to come . When my daughter talked with her about the shower she told her that she didn't want one, but that she was going to have a birthday party for the new baby a few months after he was born. I just don't understand not wanting to have another shower so that you have things for the baby before he arrives. Before our first child we had three baby showers - one with his family, one with mine and one with friends. Has anyone ever heard of having a "birthday party" for the new baby when it's not birthday?


Asked by scout_mom at 10:14 AM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Babies (0-12 months)

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Answers (9)
  • I wouldn't want a bunch of people around the new baby either, especially during cold and flu season, but I doubt that any 17 year old having a baby would be thinking that logically and reasonably about it.
    I too think it's tacky to throw one's own baby shower (and that's really what this is, regardless of what they choose to call it) and I'd be opting out of attending too.

    Answer by justnancyb at 11:53 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Well, it wouldn't be a "birthday" party ... more like a "welcome to the world" party. I don't see anything wrong with the concept, but the young mother will be throwing this party herself? That's pretty tacky. She's having a party so that people can bring her new arrival "birthday" gifts. My guess is that she wants what she wants when she wants it - she wants it her way, and so she's refusing the offer of a party thrown in her honor because then it wouldn't be "her way". Personally, I wouldn't attend.

    Answer by Gaccck at 10:17 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I don't think there's much difference to having it before or after the baby comes. Either way, she'll need the same things, it's all pretty standard.
    I do think there's a big difference between someone throwing you a party and you just deciding to throw one for yourself. Throwing your own baby shower (or baby welcome party) is completely tasteless.

    Answer by caseyandkids at 4:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • My mother doesn't believe in baby showers before birth. Because of this I didn't get a shower for my oldest til after he was born - which I hated, but it worked out very well. Her reason is simple, although I don't know if it's similar to this girls... My mother always had a shower before the birth, until she had to come home without a baby... Now she won't do them. Now she will only give after the baby is here and healthy because she said the pain and sorrow that comes with loosing a baby is only intensified when you have to come home and tear down a nursery or give back all those gifts...

    If this girl would prefer to have an "after party" I don't see what the deal is. This way everyone gets to meet the baby and it cuts down on the people coming over to visit when she needs rest. Plus, she'll have a better idea what she needs after the baby is here...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:20 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Until I came here I'd never heard of a meet the baby party or several baby showers either for subsequent babies or like what you mentioned, one for each side of the family. I can't imagine why anyone would want to have a dozen or more people around a baby that is only a few weeks or a couple of months old. It's an invitation for the first serious cold and there is nothing that could even be done to treat it at that age. Misery. By the same token you can't see why she'd only want one shower. It sounds like the girl only wanted one shower and she obviously got things for her baby at the one she had. Maybe she just doesn't want to come off greedy. Maybe she doens't want to sit through another shower. Who knows? For some people these kinds of things can get old fast.

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:35 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I haven't heard of someone refusing a baby shower before. There has to be more behind it then just the shower itself. Maybe about the friends or about the family, I don't know, but it sounds like there's more reason behind it for not wanting one. I know a lot of people who have a "Coming Home" party for their baby a few days after he arrives home. That is actually quite common. A birthday party wouldn't be any different I wouldn't think.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 10:51 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I guess I look at if from the stance of an over-protective mom. I don't want a whole bunch of people around the new baby with germs and stuff, especially in the winter (the baby is due in January) when it's the height of cold and flu season. She has already had one shower, so she doesn't have an issue with having them before the baby is born. And, yes, she is throwing the party herself. I don't think there is an issue with any of the family - my daughter talked with her at Thanksgiving when we are with all of hubby's family. She had no issue coming to a family dinner so I wouldn't understand an issue with having family at a baby shower - and when my daughter approached her it was to get her input on a guest list. She had wanted to have a surprise shower for her, but wanted to be sure she had invited all of the girl's friends as well.


    Comment by scout_mom (original poster) at 11:12 AM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • i agree

    Answer by san78 at 5:45 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I have never heard of that type of birthday party, but no way would I turn down another shower - this is a chance to get even more things that you need for the baby.

    Answer by tarakenyon06 at 3:46 PM on Dec. 8, 2010