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2 Bumps

Covering up for a cheater?

For years my bf has been taking the blame for his father's extra marital affairs. He did it justifying it with loving his family too much to be the one responsible for breaking it up so he has done things (at his father's request) like tell his step mother the condom was his and more. One time his father had him pick him up from a "massage parlor" because the cops showed up and he didn't want to get into his car that was registered under his name. My bf has kept his mouth shut and occasionally advised to father to stop before he loses everything. Plus, now he has me and my kids and he wants to build this family, his family. He can't keep taking the blame now that he has his own family and partner to be faithful to.

Well, yesterday his father gave him $1,000 towards the down-payment we need for a newer family car. His wife went through the business (he and his father have their own business) account and saw ATM withdrawals. $100 here and there for several months. She saw the $1,000 withdrawal and didn't believe it went to my bf. His father panicked and blamed my bf for using the business account to steal $100 here and there adding up to close to $2,000.00. His father called him while at the dealership to return the money as punishment for stealing. His father told me that his son is lucky he still wants him to work for the business and won't file a police report. I told him he should because a thief deserves to be punished but that I know what my bf has in his wallet and account and there is no extra. In fact, his father has not reported his son's income to the IRS for several months (probably for his own selfish benefit) so we found out yesterday that news on top of everything else.

It only makes sense that he would use his business account and not his accounts that are easily accessible to his wife in order to get the money for those massage houses. My bf new that something was going to happen because his father has been very forgetful and stressed and when he's supposed to be at the office all day, he takes off for hours at a time and no one will know where he is.

My bf's plan is to go get a job elsewhere and finally free himself from his father. But I know that idea is hurting him because he does love his father very much.

What would you do? I'm confused and upset. Also, I have known about his father's "hobbies" for months now but have stayed out of it since that's his family, not mine.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Dec. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • It's your business, because it effects all of you. I'd want someone to tell me. She didn't believe the one thousand went to your b/f so she suspects the cheating. She's just waiting for proof.
    bseastrand

    Answer by bseastrand at 1:18 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Your husband needs to grow a pair and cut off all ties from the crazy man! Love isn't enough to stick around through that BS. His father will obviously continue doing this forever because he is selfish. He needs a new job ASAP!
    AbsoluteSelf

    Answer by AbsoluteSelf at 1:20 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • This is unacceptable behavior from a father or any parent for that matter! I know he is your bf's dad but he needs to get away from him. If that man wants to screw up his own life that is fine but to bring your child into your whole mess is absolutely disgraceful!!! Cut him out of your life until he gets his shit together! Good luck to you, your bf and your family!
    ditchen4

    Answer by ditchen4 at 1:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • what i would do is tell my husband that if he doesnt come clean to his mother then your out the door.
    Luckybear05

    Answer by Luckybear05 at 1:49 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I would stand by my bf that is all you really can do.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 2:20 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I'd call the dad's bluff, buy the car and tell him the bank will show a picture of the dad at the ATM not your bf. If he had a problem with that I'd tell him to call a family meeting (with step mom too) and let's lay all the secrets out of the bag.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:39 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Oh wow! I can't even begin to imagine how your bf feels. It's bs that his father is having these affairs to begin with, let alone expecting his son to cover and when he does, his father just stabs him in the back. I would spill everything. He can't be thought of as a thief when all he has done is be loyal to the one person who has emotionally abused him.
    Best you can do is be supportive and there for him. It's alot for you guys to handle. Hope some answers come soon.
    ANGIE613

    Answer by ANGIE613 at 3:08 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I'm sorry but your boyfriend needs to get away from his dad. His dad can not possibly love his son because any normal parent would not do this to his child. I would never lie for my da if he was this way . I would actually not want anything to do with him. Love does not allways mean everything. He needs to grow up and start thinking about you and his child. all that comes first.
    seashore29

    Answer by seashore29 at 11:44 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

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