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daughter troubles

my 13 yr old daughter doesnt listen to me she wont do anything we tell her,she was told to go to church and to behave she didnt I took them home because I wasnt gonna ruin my mood and have a fight with her and the rest of the kids. I'm at my wits end seriously I would rather she not even be home. She is already in tons of trouble and on house arrest she is suppose to listen and do whatever we ask of her and she isnt.I dont want her to sit in jail,all it would take is one phone call to them and they would come take her to dt. She was really rude last night to me I took her and her younger brother out we went to the quilted bear and they were touching everything and I said you guys are gonna break something so lets go,her smart alecky reply was your face is gonna break something. I'm really worried that something is wrong in her head chemically thats making her behave like this and I wonder if her hormones are out of whack or if she is just being genuinly mean and nasty. I wish I could think of a way to get through to my daughter I feel helpless and hopeless and I feel like driving myself off a cliff.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • she is a teenager, its normal UNFORTUNATELY...i got smacked in my face if i told my mom her face would break something...if she has a phone take it away. a computer, an ipod...take it all away. tell her unless her attitude improves her only option of getting them back is to get a job and buy them herself. because nasty rude ungreatful kids dont deserve cool things. And remind her about all the orphan teens who would DIE TO HAVE NICE TO PARENTS WHO WOULD LOVE THEM! good luck

    Answer by chanelsparkels at 2:35 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • There's nothing wrong with her chemically. She's a teenager. Her hormones are running rampant. And she's behaving this way because she can.
    I hear you, I've got a teen and a tween myself, and I have been where you are. But let's face it. She misbehaved because she didn't want to go to church - and your response was to leave church. She got what she wanted. She mouthed off because she didn't want to listen to you - what was the consequence? She's in tons of trouble and supposed to be on house arrest? Really? by who, the courts? And you don't want her sitting in jail. Think she doesn't know this? So you don't report her bad behavior (which means you endorse and encourage it, no matter what else you maybe saying) out of a desire to protect her. Ever consider that allowing her to suffer the consequences of her choices might be just what she needs to learn?
    She needs limits and boundaries and consequences.

    Answer by justnancyb at 2:38 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I'm really sorry.... she sounds like my 13year old sister. everything upsets her and she embarrass my mom the same way... she doesn't know whats wrong wit her.

    Answer by kiya_ma at 2:41 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • That sounds like a normal child of that age. It's hormones and trying to find her own identify. If that's the worst thing she's doing then I think you are lucky. Guide her through this. Don't throw her away like an unwanted shoe. You are the mom. Teach her how to act.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now. Try to be strong, and don't take her insults to heart...teens often push the envelope. But do continue to push back.

    In a few years, she'll be beyond this phase and come out either better or worse. Don't let her get away with anything. If you can get support (maybe from church members or family) it can help you cope with this heavy, troublesome time. Good Luck.

    Answer by ss_mom at 2:43 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Normal to disrespect your mom and threaten her!!!! I don't think so. If she is already on house arrest at 13 y/o then she needs help. U need to take away all things,computer,t.v.,phone. She needs to have limits and hard rules. If u believe there is some kind of chemical imbalance,u have the riight to have her put on a 72 hour hold in a hospital. If u need help making her go,call the police and an ambulance. They will help u. Let me know how it turns out.

    Answer by dancer at 2:43 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Girls r really different. I have 2 sisters to prove it and a brother. My sisters were really bad sneaking out at night drinking and smoking. calling my parents names and total disrespect. But as far as boys and girls go ,there r exceptions. My brother and me never gave my parents a hard time. we always showed respect to them and all authority figures. Today,we both have families and kids who r very respectful,honest,and kind.

    Answer by dancer at 2:47 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Well, I have 2 boys (ages 18 and 20) and an 18 year old daughter. I know where you're at and I know how you're feeling. It's hard, it really is. But teenagers are nasty little hormonal beasts at times, and you're not doing her any favors by trying to keep her from punishments and by letting her get away with things. It's up to you to put this behavior in check, it's up to you to revoke priviliges, it's up to you to make sure she learns that there are consequences to our choices - if you don't teach her this, eventually life will and in some very undesirable ways. If she's supposed to obey certain rules and failing to do so is supposed to have certain consequences, what is it that makes you think shielding her from those consequences is a good idea? What do you think she's learning? Mommy won't always be there to bail her out you know ...

    Answer by missingruth at 2:53 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I took them to church for sacrament its an hour and 10 minutes long,and the whole time my daughter sat their misbehaving,poking her brother,I seperated them and she still poked and bit and talked and everything she isnt suppose to do. As far as the house arrest goes that is because her friend decided to climb into a school and went and got into a locker took stuff,and my daughter went along with it. I've talked to my bishop and her understands why I dont want to report her to the cops,and have her handed back to dt behind bars. I want to have control I want things to go smoothly,because I tell ya she can be sweet as an angel and Its that that makes me not call them. I just need her to calm down and listen better and I need to figure out how to discipline her so she does whats right. Her phone is gone,she cant use our computer and she is grounded for a very long time. Its been this way for three weeks and going strong!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:13 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • My ward has also agreed to counseling to help my husband and I learn to talk to the kids and how to discipline them.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:13 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

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