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a neighbor father ignored his son (4) teasing my daughter (3)...

was outside yesterday, it snowed, snowman making time
neighbors were making theirs
my daughter wlked over there (houses close together, neighbors all know each other)
the father was there making snowman with 7 girl od daughter and his son 4 yrs old
my daughter is three and has speech delay (autism)
i was standing there
the boy-4- made fun of what my daughter was saying-trying to say, she does not speeak much and very hard to understand when she does use language
i heard it, he must have, he did nothing
i took her inside our house soon after
i know this boy is having issues, mother has said things about his behavoir and the troubles they have with him, but ignoring the comments/teasing that a 4 yr old makes about another child with delays??
i would have said something and i have when no other adult around, but when the parent is there, i do not think it is my place to tell child it is not nice etc..

what would you do?

this boy has always been mean to my daughter (2 months living here) and this boy has some kind of speech delay but not as bad as my daughter=maybe it is he was picked on so he picks on child who is weaker??

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fiatpax

Asked by fiatpax at 4:04 PM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 46 (221,572 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If it happens again, I'd wait for the parents to say something and if they don't, I'd say something to the little boy like "you know its not nice to make fun of others don't you? Surely your parents have taught you that." or something along those lines. Its not that you'd be disciplining their child, you are defending yours. Which every parent has a right to do. See if the parents say anything then. If not, I'd keep your daughter away from them.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 4:08 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • The child has to be taught to be nice.  If his parents aren't teaching him, no wonder he isn't being nice.  Tell the boy it's not nice to make fun of other people and ask him how he would like it if someone made fun of him.  I think the little boy is being teased, it would make sense that he is teasing others.  Definitely talk to him mother about it and have her talk to his preschool.  I'm sorry your kids is being teased.  It makes me mad when my kids get teased.

    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 4:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • because he don't understand and the father didn't say anything, i would have politely told him my child's situation and that it wasn't nice to tease, and if the father would have said sometging i would have let him have it suggested to him, had he said something i would not have explained to the child
    mememommie

    Answer by mememommie at 4:29 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • i makes me wonder how the future will be for her
    God it scares me to death
    some days i take comfort in the progress she has made the last year=makes eye contact like a typical child now, does play with peers, stopped baging her head into bruises, and trys to talk and does kind ok, much less time using jargon-gibberish
    but other days, i am so worried bacause she still is in spectrum, she is not going to have autism go away, she will always be different

    and seeing her teased = kills a part of my heart (she does not know she is being teased-but does stay away from this child usually, sometimes runs to me scared of him-when other kids not around or the father is not around, i think she felt ok with him because the father was there)
    fiatpax

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 4:30 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • If he was always mean to her then why did you let her go over there?
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 5:42 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • if his dad was right there I would have said something, like if he thinks its okay for him to say that?
    LittleBirdFly

    Answer by LittleBirdFly at 5:45 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • im sorry your daughter was teased but you should talk to the boys father & tell him what he did or you just tell the boy it wasnt nice for doing what he did
    Ricanmami1

    Answer by Ricanmami1 at 6:38 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • If he was always mean to her then why did you let her go over there?

    I WAS TWO FEET AWAY from her ans other kids around, and father was there
    stupid comment, i was not neglecting her, something like this has happened at playground also
    kids are mean to kids who are different
    fiatpax

    Comment by fiatpax (original poster) at 8:27 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I have a child with autism. In an ideal world we wouldn't have to deal with the cruelty of other children (or adults!). In the few times I've experienced this I usually just remove my ds from the children, and as much as I'd like to get in the parent's face, I just don't think that would benefit my ds. I have corrected the child either by saying "he can't help that" (my ds is a huge stimmer) or say "that wasn't very nice". But either way, if the parents aren't teaching the children tolerance and acceptance I don't think anything you say will matter. Especially if they have the attitude that he (your neighbor's ds)has behavior problems and can't be corrected. Maybe if you talked with the mom, she might be the one to straighten things out. He should have corrected and intervened! Although I feel it's horrible you are/were in this position in the first place.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:27 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

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