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5 Bumps

save my marriage. please help

okay so my husband of 4 months decided he wants out of our marriage. i dont know what to do, were still living together though but its very hard. what can i do to remind him that he loved me and that we can save our marriage. please help, im desperate and will do anything to save our marriage. thanks for helping.

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meagan678

Asked by meagan678 at 4:17 PM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Level 19 (6,793 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • How to work together and try to save your marriage depends on why he wants out and feels it's over.

    You alone can not rekindle anything. You alone can not bring back the love (so to speak). You alone can not make your marriage work. And you alone can not resolve any issues that are behind him wanting to end it.

    It takes both of you working together to do these things. Is he willing to address and work together to resolve the issues behind him wanting to end your marriage?
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:20 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • First we need more info?why does he want out.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 4:20 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • sounds like there isn't much you can do
    AbsoluteSelf

    Answer by AbsoluteSelf at 4:21 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I would recommend getting either Divorcebusting, or anything by John Gottman about how marriages succeed or fail.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • He has to be willing to work on it, if not there is no hope.
    pbilotti

    Answer by pbilotti at 4:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Agree--its hard to give advice on what to do here... do you know specifically why he wants out? Sit down and talk w/ him and get the Exact reasons why, and then go from there to see if its a misunderstanding
    mohme2three

    Answer by mohme2three at 4:23 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • It takes 2 to make it work, if he does not want to make it work and simply wants out then get an anullment and move on. When it has been less then 6 months you don't get a divorce you get the marriage anulled
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 4:27 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I think it depends on why he wants out of the marriage as to whether the relationship can be saved or not. Remember when you have your mind made up about something and there's nothing anyone can say to change how you feel?  Keep that in mind while you're on this journey to save your marriage. The reason why he wants to leave maybe a strong legit reason to him and there may be nothing you can do. I wish nothing but the best for you and I really want you both to be able to save your marriage, but please don't beat yourself up, if you can't and he won't change his mind. Please keep us updated.
    LanaisSky96

    Answer by LanaisSky96 at 4:29 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Why did he say he wants out? Most men after 4 months are still really delighted with marriage. Does he not like having someone to whom he is accountable for his whereabouts? Does he not like sharing his finances? Did he have to be talked into marriage to begin with? Or is he just using this line of talk to get you to capitulate to him? If a man doesn't want to be married, there's nothing you can do to make him want to be married. So, I think what I would tell him is that I loved him enough to marry him and I love him enough to stay married to him, but I will not beg him to stay. Neither will I change who I am as a person in order to keep him. That's not to say that we don't all need to change in some respects, but he is supposed to be willing to change along with you, so that the two of you learn how to live in harmony. Maybe he didn't understand what marriage is. Either way, I would not beg him to stay.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:33 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • 4 months? That is ridiculous. Sounds like he is wimping out. Too bad he had to marry you to figure out that he wasn't (and probably never will be) ready. Maybe you should kick him to the curb and don't look back. He doesn't know what marriage is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

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