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I don't think I was wrong at all, do you?

Ok, so I have a 4 year old dd with my ex who was out of her life from the time he walked out on me when I was pregnant until she was almost 3 years old. He only saw her 3 or 4 times during those years. He took me to court and we worked out a schedule in mediation. He sees her every other Sat from 8 am until 4 pm and every thurs from 1am till 3pm (that is all he wanted) He is always asking me to switch days with him to suite his girlfriend's wants. They have only been together 6 months but they live together in this discusting 2 bed apartment, she has a 7 year old who spends every other weekend and every thurs with his dad. The reason for him wanting the changes is that everytime her son goes to it father my dd is there except for every other sat night (my dd doesnt sleep over there, not that they have room anyway) and every other sun. He keeps asking to permanetly switch weekends but we can't go back to meditation for about 2 years (you can only go once in 3 years unless someone moves in my state) and I told him sorry but I am not switching my scheule around to make things easier for him and his girlfriend (that's not my job) Anyway she doesn't like that because they don't have much "alone time together" Now I don't mind switching for certain days when it doesn't interfere with my plans with my dd, but if we already have plans to do something on the day he wants to switch for, that's just too bad. I hope it goes without saying that anytime he can't take her, I have no problem with her staying with me, even if I have to cancell plans, that's part of being a parent. Anyway, he is supposed to have my dd this sat (yesterday) but on tuesday he calls and said that he and his girlfriend want to go to some weekend trip out of town (everyone is getting hotel rooms and will be getting drunk the whole time) and wanted me to switch this sat for next. I told him that I would be happy for my dd to stay with me on sat so that they could go but next sat is my cousin's birthday so, of course I will be taking her to that. He was annoyed. I also reminded him that our dd had to go to the ER a little over 2 months ago (she is fine now, just a very high fever and it was sunday so the doctors office was closed) and that he owed me the copayment of $250, which I paid the day we went. He is ordered to pay all copayments since I provide her insurance. He has 60 days to pay me back for each co payment and I reminded him that it has been 65 days and I told him that if he doesnt pay be this weekend, I will call child support enforcement about it on monday. So a couple hours later, his girlfriend called me and was PISSED. She yelled that I wasn't being fair and that I'm just jelous that I have "her man" I have been with my fiance' for almost 3 years and we are getting married soon, I assure you I have no interest in "her man". He apparently was willing to just give up the time with my dd but apparently, they can't afford to go to the trip if he has to pay the $250. After she got done yelling I told her that he has responsibilties to my dd and he will keep them and if that gets in the way of her good time then that's her problem. I told her that this is what me and my dd's father agreed upon and that it is not her business to get in the middle by calling me. I told her that his is the way it is gonna be and if she doesn't like it then she needs to find a "new man" because this is the way it is gonna be.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Dec. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • I think you are right on about everything. Stick to it and don't give in to him.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:35 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I agree. Your story is just like mine I have the same issues with my sons father. What I have done was just not talk to him. I either txt him or leave a message because he isn't civilizedenough to hold a real conversation. Once his girlfriend got on the phone with me I would have hung up cause she has nothing to do with the agreement with your dd father and yourself. You are totally in the right and no it really isn't your problem if he has plans.


    Answer by Jenaiko01 at 9:37 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I hate his girlfriend, she keeps calling herself my dd's "step mom". They are not married, she has only known my dd for a few months and she is NOT her step mom. I think she needs to learn that even if they do get married, she is not gonna have a say in the situation. The visiation, child support and the parenting plan (legal agreement that states how we wil parent (rules, punishments expectations ect) so that they are the same at both houses) are only between me and my ex, she's just along for the ride.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:44 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Just stick to your guns and don't let her beat you down about it. If she has a problem with it she needs to talk to "him" about it and NOT call you. It's not her place or any right of hers.

    Answer by wendyl006 at 9:52 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I agree with you 100% on everything. Why would he even make plans knowing that it happens to be on a night that he would have her?? Totally not your problem and little miss thing needs to butt out of the situation!! I hope that soon enough her ex will find a girlfriend that gives her just as much grief as she is giving you so she can get a taste of her own medicine! An agreement is an agreement and no matter what it has to be followed. If I were you, I would completely stop going outside of that agreement when he asks for a change.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 9:53 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I think it is funny that they wanted to go on this trip when he owes me $250 that is a week late! my dd didn't go over there but they ended up not going on the trip because if I go to child support enforcement, he will be in a lot of trouble

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:12 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Yes, you were right on all counts. Your ex needs to grow up & realize he has responsibilities beyond his desire for a good time.

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 10:22 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Wow. Tell him to man up and take a little responsibility and tell the new girlfriend to never call you again. You have to deal with a loser ex and shouldn't have to deal with his loser girlfriend too!!! Hang in there hon. I've been there and still am!!!

    Answer by MommysAngels810 at 10:35 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I agree with you. My ex allways wanted to switch weekends when the kids were little and would get mad when i would not switch with him. he thought i had no life and that i never made plans to do things with my kids. They are now 12 and 14 and he does not do that any more. We actually get along much better now. i pay for the insuarnce for the kids but the kids have to have 250 dollars in doctor visits for him to pay a dime towards their co payments to the dr. that has not happened ever that god so for 11 years he has never had to pay anything towards dr. visits. i have to. As for his girlfriend trying to parent your child guess what my ex's wife has been trying to do that for 11 years even though they live with me. Yes she has no rights and i parent them the way i see fit and my ex agrees. i told her off years ago and my children tell he rwhat the think too. i just ignore her.There really is nothing you can do if she acts that

    Answer by seashore29 at 10:54 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I think you were completely right, too. I would tell him that he needs to keep a leash on his girlfriend as well. You don't need her harrassing you with undeserved guilt.

    Answer by Chocolatespring at 11:05 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

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