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boundaries in a marriage control v respect?

a lot of women on here think that if you are not ok with your husband doing something and you voice your opinion on it then he will just do it behind your back. One particular example is me being upset that my husband hid going to a strip club from me.. i do not see how knowing his wear abouts and asking for respect of my feelings is controlling him.

why is it that the men get to do whatever they want "the double standard" and if we ask for some limits to the single man behavior we are trying to control him...

I dont think its control i think it is mutually trying to keep your marriage bond strong.. what do you think.. should married couples be able to do whatever they want?
Its not always about whether he is cheating or if he is coming home to you.. its about how much he cares and respects you, and vice versa... would you agree?

if he is hiding where he is going isn't that a bigger issue then telling him that you don't feel it is appropriate for a married man to go to a strip club...


Asked by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Dec. 5, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I do think that when your are in a relationship you should still be able to do whatever you want but you should have enough respect for your partner that you respect their feelings/wishes because you WANT to not because you have to.

    Answer by skittles1108 at 9:59 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • You are okay. There is nothing wrong with you. I get tired of people telling me I should be okay with things, just because they see it differently. This is my relationship, and my boundaries are my boundaries.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:55 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Honestly I think it depends on the couple. In our relationship, its understood and respected that we have feelings about things like that, and that I don't want him to go places like that (thankfully he has no interest anyway). A marriage is a commitment, a responsibility, and each spouse should respect the other's feelings on things like this, since this is your relationship too, not just his. This is perhaps something that should have been understood before getting married - what you feel is acceptable and what isn't - but I don't think it makes you controlling to not want your husband to do things like that. So I do agree with you. My husband knows I don't want him going to strip clubs, watching porn, etc, and he respects that (though I guess he's a bad example, because, again, he's not interested in it anyway, lol) I wish he were home, though, so I could ask him, from a male perspective, what to say...

    Answer by bandgeek521 at 9:57 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I hate those guys that think they can get married but still live the single life! The strip club excuse where,"I was just looking!"
    I agree. Certain behaviors have to stop once you get married. its not control. Its respect

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:56 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I think the difference between respect and control is how things are voiced. I might tell my DH I don't like something and hope that he loves me enough to respect that. BUT if I tell him that he NEEDS to respect my feelings is trying to control. He should choose to respect my feelings, he doesn't NEED to.

    Answer by layh41407 at 10:01 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • Yes I agree if he is hiding it then it is a bigger issue then him going. He might have hid it because he knew you didn't want him going. I'm not saying that you are wrong for asking him not to go, everyone has a different way of doing things. I personally don't mind if my husband goes to a strip club, but that is me. I think part of it does have to do with respecting each other and trustin each other. Some people don't think woman should go out with just there girl friends, I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I go out to bars with my friends and my husband goes out with his friends. Like I said I think it is all what you are comfortable with.

    I think you just really need to talk with him and listen to what he has to say.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:01 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I totally agree with you.

    Answer by older at 10:07 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I also agree with you completely!

    Answer by TsMommy428 at 10:10 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • I LOVE that my man and I have boundaries. We have agreed in advance about the things that we are and are not comfertable with. it makes our bond stronger as there aren't those sad "surprises". Yes, sometimes I miss out on girls trips to Vegas but I never have to wonder when he is coming home either. I would never give up the security and love I have at home for night out with the girls fending off other men. I have friends that see this as contolling and coulden't imagine having boundaries. I have no judgements if that works for them, great. But it's not for us. It's all about finding someone you are compatible with and I'm blessed that DH and I are on the same page.

    Answer by hotrodlassie at 10:48 PM on Dec. 5, 2010

  • this is sort of a complicated issue (the strip club thing) it depends on the reason why he is going there in the 1st place. i have asked men why they go to strip clubs and they all have different reasons. some go to look at eye candy, to hook up and cheat, to hang out with the boys,to relax... so u should sit down and have a non confrontational talk with him... but i think it is kind of fishy that he hid it from u. maybe it might be as simple as he didn't want to upset u. talk to him.

    Answer by maya123 at 9:56 PM on Dec. 5, 2010