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does anyone else see my point or am i just being wrong? very long...half siblings.

my son hasnt had a relationship with his biodad in over 3 yrs. he has forgotten about him. he calls my dh dad. in that time i can honestly say that i have kept my son from having a relationship from his other children (my sons half siblings) (they are older) reasons...1) because it would be nothing more than a phone relationship or me going out of my way for visits because i'm the only one who cares. 2) my son is only 6 now..he has forgotten about them am i going to introduce them again and say "oh, by the way" without confusing the hell out of him? anyways....every year on my son's bday my son's half sister calls (15 now)..she asks if she can talk to him..if she can see him. She does not understand why i don't think now is a good time. Honestly i just don't want her stepping in saying "i'm your sister and your dad is my dad" and stuff like that...confusing my son. When he gets older and can understand family situations i will more than welcome them to have a brother/sister relationship but i just don't think now is the time. Am i wrong? I have had many influences on this...many family members have pushed me to this decision. I feel so guilty. In my heart, i would love for them to be together..but i think everyone around me is right. it would only cause drama in my son's life

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Asked by shay1130 at 7:49 AM on Dec. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 27 (32,809 Credits)
Answers (56)
  • Your son should know who his half-siblings are. It sounds like they miss your son - what harm can it do? It's not that confusing really; kids are pretty smart.

    Answer by Scuba at 7:52 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Okay so i am in the same situation. My ex-husband, left us almost three years ago and hasn't seen, called, or asked about my son since. He does have a baby now, and I don't want m,y son any where near the child. For one his father, is a creep and calls me all the time asking asking for money. He never asks about his kid..ever!!! But you have to do what YOU feel is right for your son. If you don't want him near the other children, then don't let it go down!!!

    Answer by EttaMay at 7:55 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I think at 6 he would understand that they are his siblings. I think its unfair to your son and to his siblings. Your child deserves the chance to know his siblings

    Answer by cassie_kellison at 7:56 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • you say he is 6yrs old and he has older sister so why are you not let them be together i would step is just a name nothing more what you had with their father should just be you and him not them their just kids ,the two of them need each other her to grow strong and him to look up to ,because when he grows up and find out he could of seen her but you would let him could bite you in the ass ,

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 7:57 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • JMO here ok. I do not think it would confuse him. I think you do not want to deal with that side of his family. Any relationship is better then no relationship. I just hope he does not hate you later on in life for keeping these people (biodads side of the famliy) away from him.

    The reason why I say that is because I did that with my oldest DD, with her biodad. She hates me for it.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:58 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Maybe you could talk to the half sister. Tell her how you would not mind her in your sons life you just aren't ready for him to know that she is his sister. At 15 she should be able to have this conversation wtih you and understand your point. If she agrees then maybe you could try having her over the house like a babysitter type thing. When we try a new babysitter out we always have them come to the house when we are home and spend time witht he family to see if it works, I know you don't want to hurt and confuse your son, I would want that either. My oldest has a different father then my other 2 children. He was adopted by my husband and knows that he has a different father. His father has always been a part of his life, he was just a friend of the family until my son was old enough to tell. We told him when he was 10.

    Its never easy and I you have to do what you think is best.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:59 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • He's going to be WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more confused if you wait until he is older than if you deal with it now. I think you are being very selfish & if his sister wants to be in his life, then she should be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:02 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I am scared that she may talk him into asking to see his biodad...(he does not have any rights to my son) he has never wanted to see him because he feels i should ask him to keep him.. not him ask me. i don't want my son near that monster and i don't want him believing that he may be a good guy..and making me a bad guy cuz i will not permit him to be around him unless i'm court ordered. I just don't know how his kids will be around us when they are minors

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 8:03 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • and i could see how it would go down if i was givin permission to pick them up or something...he would probably call and say i kid napped them

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 8:05 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • You are being selfish. Your son should know his biological father and his half siblings. It needs to happen now while he's still young and won't resent you for keeping him from having a relationship with them when some of those half siblings want to have a relationship with him.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:05 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

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