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2 Bumps

Feelings for old flame.

DH and I and our DD will be going to my home for Christmas. Recently I have been friends with an old flame on FB. He is NOT an old boyfriend, we nenver even fooled around becasue he is about 5 years older then me but there were a lot of feelings there... And by the time I was of age, he had moved on. No biggie, I left home and eventually got married had a baby and am living my life. DH is in no way upset about me being friends with said "flame". We were friends for a LONG time before we had feelings for eachother. I have not seen him in about 4-5 years. What I ever felt I dont knw if I ever "loved" him or not. Like Is aid we were very constricted on whatever relationship we could of had becasue I was so much younger. (I was 16 when it started and almost 18 when he moved in with nother woman). Im just so nervuose becasue he was/is such good friends with my brother and I know he will be around when Im home. Im nervouse becasue I hope to god that those feelings will stay where we left them. He is single now, and since then he has been talking to me more and more on FB. I KNOW I love my husband and would do nothing to hurt him, I just really dont want to leave home to come back here knowing that my old flame wants me, ya know. I really hope I dont leave there wanting him as well.... so my question is.
In this situation, would you tell your DH or S/O that this old friend was really a little mroe than that, or just leave it alone and never say a word?
Like I said I refuse to let anything happen between us, I will not be that wife becasue I really do love my man.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Dec. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I agree with the previous posters. Your allegiance should be to your husband and your husband only. Unfriend your old "flame" on FB. Don't worry so much about how he's going to feel if you do that. You have a family to protect now. It is a slippery slope for sure. Send your old friend an e-mail explaining that you need to unfriend him and you hope he understands. Maybe that way he will keep his distance over the holidays and make arrangements with your brother separately. Good luck!!

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 8:40 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Unfriend him or stop playing games with him.All those old flames will blow out all the fantasies and drama. Move on , you're married.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Don't you know your husband can look up what you write on fb on your harddrive and use it against you? Please wake up from this fantasy, it won't last and of course your romeo "not" friend is a snake.I'm sure there are other women on his fb who feel the same way like you. Avoid temptation and act your age and remember you are married!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I had the same thing and ended up cheating I'm not going to lie it almost broke apart my family. Trust me it'll kill but you have to cut it off. No one intendto hurt their spouse but when your thinking these feelings might be there you need to cut it off

    Answer by Heidikans at 8:29 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Unfriend him on FB and avoid him over the holidays. You clearly still have feelings for him most likely the kind many have when they think about what could have been. The past is the past and should stay there. You should not tell your husband anything this is your problem not his. If you love your husband you avoid anyone who could be a problem in your marriage.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • To Anon who wrote abot DH looking up what I write on FB.... I have nothign to his on FB. Everything me an old flame talk about is completly harmless really. Dh knows my password and I know his.
    But to everyone else. I understand your comments of "leaving it alone and unfriend him". I get it I do. I will not act like this guys was never in my life for 14 years. Like I said, our past goes far beyond when we finally noticed eachother. Our familyes are close friends. So what I need t do is make things VERY clear to him that I AM MARRIED and HAPPY and to leave me alone in any other matter other then friendly notions. If he crosses the line I will not let it go and fix the problem. Thanks for the insight ladies =)

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:11 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I don't know why you would tell your husband that you used to or might still have feelings for friend. If your are not going to pursue it, why stir things up? Why make your DH feel uncomfortable? make no sense to upset someone when there is no reason to. JMO


    Answer by Shines3 at 2:26 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • No matter how CLEAR you make anything to him...the temptation is there. You need to avoid him at all cost...a kiss takes less than a split second, can happen anywhere and will change your world. Unfriend him and the minute he comes around during the holidays, make a hasty exit until he leaves...PERIOD...temptation is a motherf*cker that will not take prisoners, will destroy your life and leave you saying "damn...I shouldn't have done that" when he fact you could have avoided the "done that" from the start.

    Answer by ShouldHaveLeft at 2:38 PM on Dec. 6, 2010