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Adult children living with you

I have 2 adult kids living with me. One is 22 & has a good job. I'm on a very fixed income & a single mom. Well we recently had bill increases & I asked her for 25$ more per wk & flipped out & outright refused!!!! I really need this. She brings her boyfriend here in the evening .He grabs the remote .Watches what he wants & she makes a big meal for them then leaves the mess & dishes for me to do. I'm being pushed out of my own place. I pay for all the bills . The other one is 21 & she just moved back . She's never worked & argues all of the time & says she's looking for a job but I'd like to know how when she's always here sleeping or staring at the tv. I'm so upset . I was sick over the wkend because of it. Anyone esp single moms have this problem?? Anyone making their adult kids pay their way ?? How much?? Mine are always saying I'm trying to steal their money but they couldnt live anywhere on what they give me. She just wants to shop with her check and have everything else/. While I struggle alot.

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sweetsinglemama

Asked by sweetsinglemama at 11:52 AM on Dec. 6, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 12 (832 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • That's definitely not fair to you. I moved home with my mom when I got out of the Navy. I had a job lined up when I got home (VERY lucky!). I paid a few hundred a month, and I saved up for moving out. I lived with her for about 8 months. I think you are absolutely right for charging them to live with you- they are ADULTS (in their twenties, not 18 or 19 and haven't moved out yet). They should be paying to live with you, and saving up money to leave. You might need to give them a timeline, and stick to it, if you want them to leave. I have a friend who moved in with his mom when he went through some stuff in college in 2004, and he STILL lives at home! He'll be 31 this month!! DON'T be that mom!! He works at Starbucks, has switched majors more times than anyone else I know, and will likely always live at home.
    for the 22 year old, tell her that if her bf wants to watch what he wants, she can pay for (cont)
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:17 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • We moved in with my mom when hubby was trying to get into the military...big mistake because he couldnt go..she originally didnt ask for any thing..but I was still trying to give her some to help her out...then she started asking for 200 a month which granted wasnt much but it was more of the fact we were saving to get out and had a TON of bills...we were helping around the house and providing groceries for all of us..and it was just sooo tense!

    Bottom line, it was my moms house. I never did NOT pay her simply because I didnt want to..should we have set out expectations before hand..YEP...but regardless..she had every right to put me on the street! And in the long run I appreciated her letting us stay until we were able to get back out! ...you need to give them both time limits! Tell them NOW you have such and such time to get your stuff together and be out! Be FIRM! its your home!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 12:18 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • a TV and cable in HER room. YOU take precedence, as YOU are paying all the bills! Don't clean up after them. If she doesn't clean them up an hour after she's done eating, take them and put them in her room, on her bed. It'll piss her off, but it will get your point across. You shouldn't be putting up with this crap day after day. Be strong, and stand up for yourself, YOU ARE THE MOM!
    Good luck!!!!
    musicpisces

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:19 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Bottom line - YOUR house - YOUR rules! My younger DD & her boyfriend moved back in with me when they moved back down to the Twin Cities from Duluth. Work up north got thin. They were with us for 3-4 months. Rules dictated they BOTH had to be working, pitching in for groceries & actively looking for an apartment. They had to clean up after themselves, do their own laundry. TV was np big deal as I had a small one they borrowed. We didn't have cable - so free airwaves was all the entertainment any of us got. They knew that if they chose not to abide by the house rules, they didn't have a place to stay. Lay down the rules, stand by them, let them know they can go somewhere else if they don't like it.
    specialwingz

    Answer by specialwingz at 1:05 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I agree with specialwingz.
    We have taken in my stepson 3 times now. The first 2 times he was still under 18 BUT he was made to do chores.
    He has just moved back in and he pays rent, buys his own groceries handles his own laundry and takes care of his other bills. He also works. The rent and working were mandatory. He just had a baby and didnt have a job before so we helped him get a car which he paid for and we are putting him on the right track. I will NOT cut him any slack this time around because he is 20 yrs old.

    Your younger ones needs to be told flat out she has 2 weeks to find A job. This being the holidays she should be able to find something in food or retail.

    The older one needs to pay up or move out. I can gaurantee she would spend out WAY more living on her own than she does living with you.

    You need to quit letting them wipe their feet on you or they will continue to do so.
    Sandyr911

    Answer by Sandyr911 at 1:58 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I have a 23 year old living at home after graduating, and he doesn't give me money because I do not need it, but he is smart enough to save on a part time job he got. He does his own laundry and his room is spotless, he is awesome. If you need this money you need to spell it out for her, communication solves a lot of problems.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:06 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • She knows I need that but says I'm not getting it no matter what. She needs to go to the mall once a week more than we need food.
    sweetsinglemama

    Comment by sweetsinglemama (original poster) at 2:09 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Wow. Looks like Mom needs to get tough and change the rules! If I were you I'd tell them both to move out if they can't pay you what you need. We allowed our older son to work for 2 years after his schooling to save money without giving us anything. My husband told him after Jan 1 we would like to get $75 a week. (roughly $300 a month which includes, rent, utilities, EVERYTHING). He flatly refused and decided to move out on his own paying triple the amount. If I were you, I would split all of your monthly expenses 3 ways. If they don't like it they can move out. You sound like you are a nice mom...maybe too nice. They aren't appreciating you but taking advantage. I wouldn't allow the bf to come over and sit his butt on your couch and control the tv, cook and make a mess either. Get strong Mom. Good luck!
    twinkletoes0408

    Answer by twinkletoes0408 at 3:19 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Me and my 3 year old dd live with my mom because things would be tight for me living alone and things would be tight for her if she didn't have my rent money coming in. I pay $400 a month for 2 bedrooms (that she would not use if I didn't live here) and I buy the groceries 3 weeks a month for me, my dd, my mom and my brother. I also help around the house and watch my brother 3 nights a week while my mom works. I wouldn't feel right doing anything less. You dd's both need to help out. and pay their own way! they are adults and if they are living at home, it should benefit both of you!
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:43 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Your children should atleast try and help you out. If not, then look for a place that you can afford by yourself. Don't depend on them to help you because obviously the two of them are too selfish to see that you need their help.
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 12:46 PM on Dec. 8, 2010

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