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Am I wrong for protesting?

So my four year old daughter is in ballet, tap and jazz and she will be in the nutcracker in a few weeks. Her dance teacher wants all of us to put make up on our children and a little darker than usual so the audience can see it. I am against putting mascara, blush, eye shadow, etc. on my child. The only thing she ever wears is the occasional lip gloss and chap stick. I refuse to put make up on my child because I want her to grow up thinking she doesn't need make up to be beautiful and that she's beautiful without make up. However, my daughter fights me on the issue and wants to wear it so she "can be beautiful." How do I teach my daughter that she can be pretty without it?

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Asked by iluvmm09 at 12:45 PM on Dec. 6, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,277 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I wouldn't put it on either. I never understood the makeup on lil ones in dance.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 12:47 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I think it's probably okay for her to wear the makeup for her Nutcracker performance. I would just explain to her that it's not so she will "be pretty", but for theatrical purposes, IE facial features showing more prominently on stage. Isn't that why they wear so much makeup for theater?
    It really doesn't seem like a big deal to me if it's just for a performance.

    Answer by vicesix at 12:48 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • If you don't allow her to have makeup on, the hot lights of the stage will make her look completely white from her neckline to her hairline. This is not about 'so she can be beautiful' it's so she looks like she's not wearing a white mask with two eyeholes and nothing else.

    Like on camera, what it looks like live on stage is very different from how it looks to you, 3 feet away from her. If you don't want her wearing stage makeup, take her off the stage.

    Answer by LindaClement at 12:48 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I would fight it too. Lip gloss is one thing, but I don't agree with children wearing heavy make up like the girls in beauty pageants. What about a lip gloss with glitter in it? The audience will see the glitter. You could put glitter on her face too.

    Answer by bseastrand at 12:48 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • That's tough. Most of the time people are on stage, they're wearing make up. However, I can see the principle you are trying to teach your daughter. I think if it's that important to you, then teach your daughter she's beautiful even without the make up, and stand your ground on this issue. Sadly, society teaches our kids otherwise, and it's our responsibility to make our kids feel good about who they really are. Be aware that she might be really insecure, though, if she's the only kid on stage without make up on. We all want to fit in in our world.
    Good luck!

    Answer by musicpisces at 12:48 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • You might compromise for performances because the teacher wants the audience to see it (I don't feel it is necessary) BUT that on any ordinary day it is not needed. This will be a difficult issue as she gets older and older. But you can lead by example and after the teen years she might follow your advice more easily. GL!

    Answer by elizabr at 12:50 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I don't know I kind of think of it like wearing a baseball uniform to the game. Makeup is part of performing. My daughter has been in countless shows (she's 10 now and in gymnastics instead of dance). She wore the makeup but I've had no issue with her wearing it outside of performing. She's never even asked.

    It really is part of theater, so I agree, if you don't like the costume (makeup included) don't have her perform.

    I also assume you don't wear makeup yourself. If your daughter sees this on your face or you putting it on that will give her more the idea that you need it to be beautiful than wearing it once a year on stage.

    Answer by heatheryn at 12:55 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • You would only be instilling those ideas of being pretty with being coated in make up if you were to tell her that's the reason to wear make up. I agree with a previous poster that this is not wearing make up to be pretty or that you're allowing her at this point to wear make up every day. This is a theatre production, not a beauty pagent. The other I assume is she'll be wearing a nice costume that she'll feel a million bucks in, the make up is just like a "costume" for her face.

    I agree that we should teach our children about real beauty, but I think this is maybe the wrong instance.

    Answer by amybaby_19 at 12:55 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • This is a one time thing and you should let her do it like the rest of the girls, there is no harm in it, for a special occasionp>


    Answer by older at 1:07 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • It is because of the lighting. Nobody wants a 4 year old wear make-up to dance class. It is just for the stage. Yes, you are wrong for protesting. It shows how little you know about the theater. Men wear make-up on stage. You are making a big deal out of nothing toward about the recital.

    The comment from your daughter about being pretty/beautiful, that sounds like more of a concern. Perhaps the dance teacher should explain to the girls that if they don't wear a little make-up under those bright lights they will look sickly or like ghosts and that they are all already beautiful up close/in person. This could be coming from the teacher or from one of the other little girls. It would be nice if the teacher would address it directly with the girls. Talk to her about it. If this is coming from the teacher to 4 year olds I can't imagine what she is saying to her teens.

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 1:08 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

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