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did you stay or leave

when you thought maybe i made a mistake in marrying this person? i have been thinking i have done just that. on the one hand i think no one is perfect and i'm committed but then i think he is just someone i really don't like at all. have we grown apart in just 2 yrs of marriage? it's not that he is abusive which he is not. he is good to my kids, well he clashes with my older son. he is very irresponsible and can be very childish which at first in dating i thought made me feel young. we have commen ground on how to raise our kids for the most part. what i seem hard to deal with his way of dealing with money and how he doesn't take anything serious. he spends it like crazy. i've tried everything. selling stuff, finance counslor, etc etc. i had hoped i would find an older man with some security and more interests. instead got a younger guy. who smoothered me when dating that i was sick of it. i guess it grew on me. although now looking back on it. wish i had had more seperate time to figure out if he was or wasn't the man to marry. i was just so sure he was the one and i didn't have any cold feet when we did. is it normal to think maybe i made a mistake? did you stick it out or leave? i was divorced for 12 yrs and i wouldn't care if i was single all over again.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Dec. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I can tell you that I have thought this about my husband. I thought very hard about leaving, but didnt and I can tell you that I am so glad that I didnt. There was a good year there in the begining where I was just misserable and hated our marriage, didnt want to divorce, but didnt want to stay, I felt stuck. But I finally decided that I would not get a divorce, that I would make it work. So I started to stop looking at the problems he was causing, and looking at myself. I worked on it, I stopped being controlling, started worrying about what I was doing wrong instead of focusing on what he was doing, and I started treating him better, in turn he did the same for me, and we worked it out. Once I took the option of divorce off the table I was able to focus on what to do to make it work, and I am so glad I dodn.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 6:42 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • If you do not see being with him for a long time. Leave him. Don't make your self miserable.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:33 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • This is yoru second marriage? For some reason it thought you were like....20. Was shocked at the "i as divorced for 12 years" comment.

    Anyhow, yes i did leave. Although, i had plenty good reason to. He crossed many lines & burned any bridges...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:30 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I think you should stick it out. Try explaining to him where all your finances go like writing down every bill and how much if you haven't done it yet. Here are some other things I can suggest. You may or may have not done them but of you have I am sorry. Try hiding money in a spot in your home you know no one will look or sign up for a checking account don't tell anyone and put money in it little by little incase you get to needing it. Trust me I know what you're going through and I had to experiment with dh to see what worked for us. Hope you get a handle on things.
    sweetpea1217

    Answer by sweetpea1217 at 6:36 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • Also what helped us with finances, and it was a difficult thing for me to do, but I gave the control of them to him. That way he saw what needed to be done, where the money was going, and what to do with it, it was hard, but it worked for us, but I also did trust that he wouldnt just spend our money for bills on something for himself. Its just a thought.
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 6:44 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • try marriage couseling, it's good to have an outside perspective (for you and him)
    lexi8622

    Answer by lexi8622 at 8:47 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • I have thought, and still do think, about leaving my husband. This is his second marriage and at the beginning I saw a trend where he would cater to his ex-wife's every whim. At first I thought it was becuase he wanted his kids to know their mother and he was trying to make sure she was in their lives, however, when she took them from him and he took her to court to get them back I saw that he really wasn't ready to let her go. We have been married for nearly 5 years now and already he has told her that he would be willing to think about fathering another child for her to have so that she can claim the baby is her husband's child since her new husband is so similar to mine. Also, everytime I try to punish my step-kids or talk to them about stuff they need to know, like behaving in school or whatnot, he tells me that I don't need to talk to them, just feed then, and make sure they are clean.
    momnstepmom

    Answer by momnstepmom at 9:32 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • However, since he will punish the snot out of our kids, and by punish I mean spank, and yet refuse to punish the step-kids I am seeing favoritism as well.
    As to the finances, I handle all the finances. The only input he has is to tell me how much to put on which bills. All our bills, with the exception of rent, is in my name.
    momnstepmom

    Answer by momnstepmom at 9:34 PM on Dec. 6, 2010

  • sounds like you already answered this question yourself.. do you sacrifice your happpiness and his happiness or do you do the right thing and let go of somehting that your really not wanting? It would be fair to say that if your not happy with him then at least give him the respect he deserves and let him move on to someone who will truely love him for him and all his hang ups. ;).. and you will be much happier if you do so too.
    BobbieJo286

    Answer by BobbieJo286 at 10:13 AM on Dec. 7, 2010

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