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How do I help my 3 yr. old son deal w/ his dads sucide?

On Oct. 07 my sons father whom I was w/ for 5 yrs. hung himself here on the farm we live on, in a barn across from our home. Both of my sons have watched me go through a horillbe hell not only since his death but also while he was alive, I suppose thats why I'm a member of a wonderful support group for surviors of domestic violence: the power of being free, here on CafeMom. And of course my 3yr. old can't understand why daddy is gone. My 8 yr. old has a different dad in which is a whole other set of problems,lol. God this could go on forever. I hardly know what to tell you ladies about my situation w/out going on forever. I feel like I could write a book. Sorry this was so long.

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Asked by Shiloh1976 at 10:45 PM on Jul. 5, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (5)
  • I am so sorry for your loss.

    Your 3 year old might take some time. Death isn't something many children understand well. Toddlers especially don't understand it. They can't comprehend that there is an end to life...or a beginning for that matter (they don't understand that they haven't always been around).

    Are you religious at all? Telling your son what your beliefs are on death might help him to come to terms with it. It all depends on how much your son understands it. It's a difficult subject for a toddler.

    Be there for him and comfort him. Try to answer his questions as best as you can. Basically what you're probably already doing. There's no magic answer here. I'm sorry I can't be more help.

    Answer by amethystrse at 11:01 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. But you have to find a way to support you son, right!

    I think I would tell him my faith beliefs in kiddo format, that may help him understand death better. I also know there are some great books for children. Reading about someone else in the situation may help him understand his feelings, and why Daddy isn't coming home.

    Hugs Hun, I know this is going to be tough!

    Answer by Simonsmama at 11:29 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

  • i wrote this more for you.....

    i watched my mother mourn over the loss of her boyfriend of 3 years in 2006. he also commited suicide. i am sorry you are going through this! my mother kinda dealt with it on her own for a few months then my biological father died the same year just a few months later. thats when she went to counsuling and got treated with depression. i can tell a huge diffrence in her behavior now and it has helped our mother/daughter relationship as well!

    Answer by scarletsm0m at 12:08 AM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • I would most def. do family therpy. Starting now. Your 8 yr old, was still there in his life as well as the other way around. So you all 3 need it. Just tell him that daddy loves him and always will and that it wasnt anyones fault. And when he gets older and asks ?'s just be as honest as you can. GL and sorry for your loss.

    Answer by B.R.E.A.K.K at 3:44 AM on Jul. 6, 2008

  • For now try to expalin to him that daddy is in a better place. I have had to explain a lot of death unfortunately to my now almost 4 year old and she is kind of understanding that nana went to heaven. I don't know if at is your belief but I agree with simonsmom to do it in kiddie form. He won't fully understand until he is older then it will be up to you to explain it to him.

    Answer by momto1727 at 10:40 AM on Jul. 7, 2008

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